More Than Love

4 February 2010 

This is unfamiliar territory in my life. I’m at a point of absolute devotion and infatuation and just such saturating emotions in my relationship that I find the word “love” doesn’t cover it. I think that the word is over used, commercial, popular, often over stated, dramatized, and usually a jumped to conclusion that fades away.

My situation, part of me feels like it’s completely unique to us. Another part, however, thinks “how truly sad would it be if no one loved as much as we”

I am realistic and I understand that such strong emotions carry a pleasantly but perplexing toxin that vexes ones straight and forward logical understanding of life in comparison. Simply bewitching sweet thick perfume that can wrap you up in the feeling that you own, all of them, even the more deeply felt ones. Wrap you up tight and hugging you warmly in a magical sunrise moment of sheer emotions.

This exceptional ecstasy of thoughts and feeling that create such a deep dark purple hue of seriously concentrated love is flowing like a wild dancing river deep inside me every time I so much as see his face.  When He holds me he quiets the rushing rapids to a tranquil peaceful and elegant shade of summer sky blue. Sparkling and simply dazzling like the ocean that moves in each iris of his passionate caring eyes. Eyes one could more than “get lost in”. Simply a glance is felt through my spine, my flesh, my heart, my soul. A deep stare creates a rabbit hole like wonderland, and I become Alice, forever tumbling in a world of emotions like a strange high that I cannot understand. It’s simply a beautiful madness. But, madness I’d gladly build my home, and forever live gaily in.

His strong tender arms present a comfort, warm and soft like a thick velour blanket I could fall asleep in. Yet strong and very much of a man, liked to those substantial beams of wood that hold up and support the whole house. These arms “build” a beautiful caring strong structured home. One I feel truly safe in.

His heart is like a slow cooked stew. A rich broth of honest devout emotions. A hearty mix of meat and potatoes that can satisfy even the most starved heart, leaving you simply “stuffed” with true love. On top of this, a good for you blend of veggies and herbs, each one representing his good intentions and his need to fix anything that ails you. Like sitting at your bedside and holding you when you cry or no reason. This soup is almost fattening if you add in this incurable desire to spoil and serve me for no reason.

Making love to him, always reaching a higher cloud each time we embrace each other. Helping me to realize the sky is truly endless, as is the perfect heaven I feel, heart pounding, sweat dripping, kissing deeper, when we are one. The lack of words to describe the absolutely awesome moment of  our simultaneous sparkling finish as we rest and smile together blooming, blushing, panting from the sheer magnificence of our accomplishment.

Dreams of him painted on every day, as well the vivid ones that enchant me through the night. Dreams of our plans, our future. Dreams of us growing old together. Dying in each others arms, and then soaring through the cosmos as one for the remainder of our eternity. Dreams of him, dreaming of me.

Oh how sweetly he sleeps. Many moments I have spent watching him sleep. Even photographing it, as though it might be the last time I get to see it.

How does one thank somebody for this? How would I show appreciation for giving me this extensive, eternal, deep, perfect gift of love, and beyond? For giving me beautiful sunrises and sunsets in my future? Celebrations with families’ together, embracing, arm in arm, simple meals, lavish romantic dinners, moments, dates, nights cuddled togthers, mornings waking up tangled together, or just arms to fall into? How I ask shall I thank him?

All I can do, I suppose, is spend eternity giving all this back to him within my ability. Nay, beyond, for he deserves no less than (more than) perfection.

~ Forever HIS~

(Lani D. Wrevhn)

Elena Wright Stevens

*** I wrote this after we were married I believe. I found it on one of my many lost blogs. I had put a lot of work and feeling into it so I figured I would post it. ***

Getting To Know Me

 

Let us start from the beginning, the very best place to start.

*First I should state that my family (and maybe 2 friends) are saints for putting up with me. I caused quite a lot of trouble. (not really on purpose). My mother probably went through the most. Her and daddy had a whole other set of problems they were dealing with that I unintentionally added to. I love them both. RIP  Daddy!

START -

 

I was born with half of my left arm. There is some debate as to how it occurred, but I settle on the umbilical cord theory. It wrapped around and kept it from growing. I was a fussy baby, finicky eater from the start. Got sick a lot. SEVERLY once when I ate bad berries off a poinsettia.

 

 

Lets get to some more interesting stuff. Like, oh I don't know, off the top of my head...

 

I saw ghosts growing up.

 

If they can so be called that. I saw various phenomena. Some of which I was not the only party involved in witnessing. Most of it does not stick to my memory as overly frightening, only a few things. I do not think attempting to describe them would really capture the happenings well enough for readers to grasp my fear, so I will leave that alone.

 

Next, I have been ADD and Bipolar for as long as I can recall. Add sugar and red dyes to see that intensified. consequently, my favorite drink as a child was Hawaiian Punch.

 

I was often perceived as a "misbehaving child". Though I think it was only because people did not know how to see me.

 

 

I was spanked everyday of kindergarten. I came home with pink slips so often from teachers who did not get me, that my dad settled on I was a bad kid who needed setting straight. The spankings eventually had no affect on me. I became bolder, more outspoken towards adults. Standing up for myself.

 

I think things out to much. In my head. I never trusted adults, because even as a young child I noticed that they did not agree. I noticed things not lining up, not making since. So I took what they told me with a grain of salt. A very small one.

 

That led to rebellion. See a pattern yet? The trained mind could guess what comes in teenage years. We can some up middle school quickly.

 

1. Dad diagnosed with level 3 brain tumor

2. Our house burned down, had to be rebuilt.

3. 6th  grade "awkward" phase

4. I hate math, grades begin slipping

5. I was put in LD/BD classes

6. Repeated 8th in a separate school due to bad behavior.

7. I find out how much I love music

 

Apparently, refusing to do schoolwork or homework is the equivalent of kicking the teacher. I was labeled a bad kid. But I struggled to understand math, and teachers do not really like it when you ask questions. So I gave up all together. 

 

HIGHSCHOOL!

I am sure I skipped oh so many good stories on the way here. And I will prob keep skipping good stuff since I am trying to shorten this.

 

Well, keep in mind that at this point, I was nobodies favorite child. My mom was having trouble dealing with me, my father too. Dad having his tumor still, it resulted in many violent outbursts of anger. Mother being overly strict and very religious, saw me as a battle she was fighting more than a child with problems. So all adults were basically yelling at me. Save for one, my psychologist Dr. Martin. Who, in suggesting my mother try a different outlook, upset my mother so much (she is very defensive) that I was not allowed to go back to him.

 

But I was allowed to take pills. I can not recall all the kinds my new doc tried on me, but it was a lot. Most did not help quite enough. Or I got side effects from them I couldn't handle.

 

MEANWHILE IN TEEN LAND:

I decided I loved rock music! I liked dying my hair every color I wished it was as a kid, and dressing in cute cloths. I was a "floater". A kid with interests and friends from various groups who "floated" from table to table at lunch. I excelled in Drama class, but I was still failing all things MATH.

 

I wanted to try new things. Black lipstick, driving fast in friends cars, meeting band boys, swimming and tanning. I loved malls, changing styles, catalogs, magazines, music, and fun. I liked flirting and playing. I had, on and off, messed with cigarettes since 6th grade.  I mean, Daddy smoked. He seemed to enjoy it. So I was a smoker in high school. Though it was challenging to get them.

 

Drugs of coarse were introduced. You can not expect to hang out with "fun kids" and not have that pop up somewhere. Well, despite being at the adults anti drug rallies and the lame propaganda videos, I tried them. My distrust of adults, and growing dislike of them, did help push me there.

 

Skipping to runaway.... I did run away once. Details of the misunderstanding that scared me into not wanting to go home are not important. Long story short, I stayed (unknowingly) with an ex con, or two. I was out of my territory here, over my head. After a while of the cops on these guys tails, they had to let me go. They were druggies and could not have me risking them getting caught. Probably a godsend. I got back home. Safe enough.

 

I dropped out of school. I refused to fight with teachers and continue struggling with a subject that no one cared to take the time to work with me. Though they sure had time to fuss at me for it.  I was getting in trouble to often, skipping, it was a mess. I was tired of the other teens anyway. DRAMA. Little silly drama.

 

My poor choice in certain friends however, kept me center stage in big drama. We can skip some of those interesting little embarrassingly dumb moments though.

 

Well, my pursuit of band boys had not stopped since it began. I sought out band guys. I met one that I now refer to as "The Devil". I was stuck in his clutches for years. I do not believe I ever really wanted to be there. Thinking on it now its like "How did that ever even happen?". I think the promise of "fun" kept me in. Parties, band gigs and practices, and being surrounded by fun attractive band guys. Drugs and alcohol were the chains that really imprisoned me there. Well, and a violent temper.

 

I broke free! against all odds, I did. I wanted to for years but was not able to. Then one day BOOM. Like a switch in my head, I just woke up and left. I got clean, still smoked. I walked daily with my little sister Rebecca. My family had to deal with me getting clean.

 

I got a job 3 to 4 days of working a week. It was nice getting out and meeting new people. I went to bar with them on the weekend, which in time just proved that I was not at all ready for bars and buddies. That went a tad messy.

 

Skipping some of that, lets move forward. To Jacob! My saving grace. He was not particularly religious, or anything like that. Just a sweet "good boy". Just what I needed.

 

 

A best friend, stern enough to aid me in quitting smoking, sweet enough to deal with my panic attacks and crazy in the process. We became inseparable. In many ways, he was like me. Just without all the insanity in his life. He walked a straighter path there.

 

 

 

But, the life we live does not make us who we are at our core. It merely builds character traits and strengths in overcoming.

 

 

WHO AM I, AT MY CORE?

 

Here is a list, of all things LANI:

 

- cartoons, cartoons, cartoons. new and old

- bright colors, glitter and sparkles

- crazy, sexy and cool (lotta crazy, lol)

- music of various kinds (electro, dance, alternative, rock, 80s, 90s, 70s, 50s, blues, etc)

- fuzzy creatures (there is a reason they call me ellie may clampet) 

- strangers, I love complimenting and talking to strangers

- good friends

- video games, board games, card games, outdoor games

- hating politians and mild conspiracy theorist

- varying artistic mind but fleeting swiftly rotating interests

- star trek and star wars (called a trekkie, though not techn one)

- trying new thing (more with acts than food)

- movies! ESP SCI-FI, action DISNEY, suspense, etc

- XFILES!

- paranormal stuff

- warm fuzzy thoughts

- being goofy I LOVE LAUGHING AND PPL WHO MAKE ME LAUGH ROCK

- I still like shopping

- CHOCOLATE

- I enjoy baking, kinda always wanted to own bakery

- I am not "type A". I don't like people taking little things too seriously

- I have a temper like the hulk

- I am a spoiler, big time.

- I am a cuddler and attention seeker

- I have a short fuse with women and bosses

- I retain lyrics fairly well, and will sing to songs I know

- I sing okay. not bad not great

- I like animals better than some people

- If you do not like animals, I can never really like you

- I still want to color and do go to toy isles and play.

- I love beef

- I hate veggies

- yes I do still drink. 1 or 2 drinks, once a blue moon.

- I am gluten intolerant but cant stop eating it

- I love baking the most

- yes I can cook well

- I love water, but hate getting my face wet

- I am not fond of children, but they are me

- my attention span still sucks, I am still forgetful too

- I read ALOT OF MISC FACTS MOST DAYS OF THE WEEK

- I am more religious now than I was before

- I still love dying my hair

- I like some girly things

- I still suffer from insomnia issues

- I like watching most things fiction, but with paranormal I like watching realistic true story stuff.

- I would rather have few good quality friends than tons of crappy ones

- I want to be rich.

- I love my family.

- Life is good

 

 

I guess that's enough for now.

 

At my core, I think little things like that sum up my personality more than my life has.

MORE THAN "LOVE"

*I WROTE THIS A BIT AGO IN REGARDS TO MY FEELINGS FOR JACOB, STILL STANDS TRUE FOR MY DEAREST LOVE, MY HEAVEN. NOW, IT GETS INTO DEPTHS OF MY FEELINGS ABOUT OUR LOVE, SO IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE COUPLE STUFF THEN YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO READ. MY MOTHER FOUND IT PRINTED OFF ONCE, READ IT...AND ADORED IT.*

MORE THAN "LOVE"

This is unfamiliar territory in my life. I’m at a point of absolute devotion and infatuation and just such saturating emotions in my relationship that I find the word “love” doesn’t cover it. I think that the word is over used, commercial, popular, often over stated, dramatized, and usually a jumped to conclusion that fades away.

My situation, part of me feels like it’s completely unique to us. Another part, however, thinks “how truly sad would it be if no one loved as much as we”. I am realistic and I understand that such strong emotions carry a pleasantly but perplexing toxin that vexes ones straight and forward logical understanding of life in comparison. Simply bewitching sweet thick perfume that can wrap you up in the feeling that you own, all of them, even the more deeply felt ones. Wrap you up tight and hugging you warmly in a magical sunrise moment of sheer emotions.

This exceptional ecstasy of thoughts and feeling that create such a deep dark purple hue of seriously concentrated love is flowing like a wild dancing river deep inside me every time I so much as see his face.  When He holds me he quiets the rushing rapids to a tranquil peaceful and elegant shade of summer sky blue. Sparkling and simply dazzling like the ocean that moves in each iris of his passionate caring eyes. Eyes one could more than “get lost in”. Simply a glance is felt through my spine, my flesh, my heart, my soul. A deep stare creates a rabbit hole like wonderland, and I become Alice, forever tumbling in a world of emotions like a strange high that I cannot understand. It’s simply a beautiful madness. But, madness I’d gladly build my home, and forever live gaily in.

His strong tender arms present a comfort, warm and soft like a thick velour blanket I could fall asleep in. Yet strong and very much of a man, liked to those substantial beams of wood that hold up and support the whole house. These arms “build” a beautiful caring strong structured home. One I feel truly safe in.

His heart is like a slow cooked stew. A rich broth of honest devout emotions. A hearty mix of meat and potatoes that can satisfy even the most starved heart, leaving you simply “stuffed” with true love. On top of this, a good for you blend of veggies and herbs, each one representing his good intentions and his need to fix anything that ails you. Like sitting at your bedside and holding you when you cry or no reason. This soup is almost fattening if you add in this incurable desire to spoil and serve me for no reason.

Making love to him, always reaching a higher cloud each time we embrace each other. Helping me to realize the sky is truly endless, as is the perfect heaven I feel, heart pounding, sweat dripping, kissing deeper, when we are one. The lack of words to describe the absolutely awesome moment of  our simultaneous sparkling finish as we rest and smile together blooming, blushing, panting from the sheer magnificence of our accomplishment.

Dreams of him painted on every day, as well the vivid ones that enchant me through the night. Dreams of our plans, our future. Dreams of us growing old together. Dying in each others arms, and then soaring through the cosmos as one for the remainder of our eternity. Dreams of him, dreaming of me.

Oh how sweetly he sleeps. Many moments I have spent watching him sleep. Even photographing it, as though it might be the last time I get to see it.

How does one thank somebody for this? How would I show appreciation for giving me this extensive, eternal, deep, perfect gift of love, and beyond? For giving me beautiful sunrises and sunsets in my future? Celebrations with families’ together, embracing, arm in arm, simple meals, lavish romantic dinners, moments, dates, nights cuddled togthers, mornings waking up tangled together, or just arms to fall into? How I ask shall I thank him?

All I can do, I suppose, is spend eternity giving all this back to him within my ability. Nay, beyond, for he deserves no less than (more than) perfection.

~ Forever HIS~

Elena Diane Wright

(Lani D.)

5 Day Awesome-a-thon: DAY 2

100 FANTASTIC THINGS!

Lets cont with day two!

20 FANTASTIC THINGS

PART TWO OF FIVE

1. Peanut Butter and Jelly - even intolerant I can't stop eating it.

2. Sanguine sunsets, I love evenings or dusk

3. The city of Atlanta!

4. Fun Fuzzy Slippers

5.  Laughter And Smiling

6. Eye Shadow!

7. Cape Cod - aka - Cranberry + Vodka

8. Warm Cup of Hot Chocolate!

9. Kyacking, it IS addictive!

the river in fl nancy took jacob n' me through. we lost water cam

10. Filet Mignon - need I say more?

 

11. Pretty Undies!

12. Of Coarse, A GREAT BRA!

13. Mini Laptops - LOVE!

next one i get i want like this...rotatable!



14. Exotic and Tropical Flowers

15. Cute Purses (but not ones you morgage a house for)

16.  The First Summer Rain

17. after Jacob the next most important thing.... JOSIE!

18. Water Fights/Getting Wet

19. (extra strong, barely sweet) Iced Black Tea

20. Nintendo! Old, New, Wii, DS, All

Ok Thats All for today! More tomorrow!
xoxo

LD