Lucky

This post will likely be short. I just had a thought on my brain and I figured why not share it on my blog. I haven't been blogging as much recently. I guess for a while now. But I had a thought that seemed important. I feel it is important.

I am lucky.

There are many versions of that sentence, many definitions, many details, many ways that statement is true. But the one I'm specifically talking about, the one that came to my brain and is flooding it with emotions currently is my future.

I am lucky that my bad past has not badly affected my future. I am lucky that I get to be happy despite all of the really stupid decisions that I made. I am lucky to be loved so much by my husband despite the fact that he was good in his past and I was wild. I feel blessed to be loved by someone like him. Sometimes, you kind of feel like you don't deserve it. But I do everything I can everyday to feel more like I deserve His love. Spoil him rotten.

I just feel so lucky that all of my bad decisions, years wasted making bad decisions, have not darkened my future. Or my present. Lucky to have this life lucky to have his love. Lucky to be forgiven by Jesus for all my sins. Lucky to have a family like I have. Not only the one I've always had but the 1 I gained through my husband. When it gets down to it... I have a pretty good life now.:-)

Thank you god.

Count Your Blessings - Part 1

As I am turning 33 this year, I think, I figured it might be a nice change of pace to do a blessings blog. One with 33 blessings counted. It is a good practice to remember the things in life, both big and small, that make us happy. And be thankful.

I will break this up into 5 segments. That not only gives me time to collect an image for each thing, but more time is able to be spent on each part.

it is my goal to have it finished before my 33rd birthday December 29th this year. I hope that those who read my blog enjoy.

33 Lani Blessings 

1. Husband 

I am thankful to have a wonderful husband. A best friend whose arms could never hold me enough. And then whose hugs can heal all pain, and whose smile can brighten my day. He bring so much laughter and love to my life. I cannot imagine life without him. I love waking up to him and his kisses. I live going to sleep in his arms. I love being with him....anywhere anytime. 

2. Family 

where would we be without the love and support of our family? I am thankful for the blessing of a good family. So no body and no life is perfect, I believe that we can still love each other through imperfections. I believe sometimes a little bit of struggle and a few imperfections makes us the interesting characters that we become in this story of many lives sewn together in one world. A world full of wonderful characters.I believe that family helps to make us who we are. And family is not always blood, for some of us how grown up without any blood relatives but still know the meaning of family. Family are the people who become permanent fixtures in your life.

3. Pets / Fur Family

Every since I I was a wee child... I have had such love 4 the furry people. And then on for people to I suppose. Whether they be mammals, birds, reptiles whatever. They make my life complete. I cannot imagine life without them. And I do not at all want their share in my life too be considered trivial. My animal friends are very important to me! I cannot imagine being happy without them.

4. Yummy

there are people in this world who have never experienced food the way Americans have. Who have never experienced food away many people have in other countries as well. There people in this world who struggle to eat anything at all. Who are starving and when they are not starving are eating whatever they can get even if it is less then pleasing. These people do not know food the way that some of us get to. It is not but a struggle for them. Even in the countries who no food in excess, there are still those who dig in the garbage starving for food. So I do not want to forget the blessing that it can be. Not just in its basic purpose of nourishing, but in the delight that I have been blessed to experience it in my whole life. I am blessed to have a family where almost every member can cook, and cook well.

5. Holidays 

Again, there are those in the world who are less fortunate and do not get to experience holidays the way we do. There are countries in the world that do not have as many holidays as we do. And there are places that probably even been holidays type celebrations. There people so poor that it is the furthest thing from their mind. Although even these people usually find a way to celebrate life. Which may be the most beautiful sentiment of all. That even and desolate poverty humans will still find a way to celebrate life. That is just beautiful to me, that is why I love holidays. They are a reason to celebrate life with those you love.

6. Beauty

I believe it is important for us, no matter what the popular opinion or media frenzy, to find ourselves beautiful. As the individual that we are. Being alive, breathing, are unique character, how we interact with others, life and the world around us in general. We should find beauty and as many things as we can. In action as well as ideas. On the surface and past it. Every season is lovely to someone...every color to be favored or faulty in the eyes of individuals. so that is where the beauty lies, and the unique as individuality of mankind. As well in the world that we live. The world around us is full of unique and changing beauty. So let us appreciate a beauty that is uncommon, or unique. Let us not all just mindlessly follow whatever someone has expressed to be the current trend. But actually put thought and what we believe is beautiful.



7. Chocolate

I know I already mentioned yummy food... But I believe chocolate deserves a whole section by itself. I have probably got the deepest love affair with chocolate over any other food. It does make me happy, and the amount of it I am allowed to have is a blessing. Not to be taken lightly! I feel I should count this blessing out loud, scream it from the rooftops, because of a potential developing situation. It is possible that sometime in the future chocolate will be more expensive and not quite as common. And although I am unsure if that is a theory, rumor, or direction we are already heading, I feel as though I should vow my love for chocolate publicly now despite. Chocolate I love you! you make my life complete :-) and a big thanks to my husband for putting up with my chocolate have it the way he does. I can put away a lot of chocolate! I prefer it and its dark and pure form. Not that I don't enjoy baked goods, ice cream, candy, etc... But, just chocolate by itself is good for me! Which is another good point I should make, chocolate is good for you! They used to believe it was a junk food. White chocolate, and milk chocolate kind of still are. But dark chocolate is actually very beneficial. Even if it wasn't, I would still love it.

Getting To Know Me

 

Let us start from the beginning, the very best place to start.

*First I should state that my family (and maybe 2 friends) are saints for putting up with me. I caused quite a lot of trouble. (not really on purpose). My mother probably went through the most. Her and daddy had a whole other set of problems they were dealing with that I unintentionally added to. I love them both. RIP  Daddy!

START -

 

I was born with half of my left arm. There is some debate as to how it occurred, but I settle on the umbilical cord theory. It wrapped around and kept it from growing. I was a fussy baby, finicky eater from the start. Got sick a lot. SEVERLY once when I ate bad berries off a poinsettia.

 

 

Lets get to some more interesting stuff. Like, oh I don't know, off the top of my head...

 

I saw ghosts growing up.

 

If they can so be called that. I saw various phenomena. Some of which I was not the only party involved in witnessing. Most of it does not stick to my memory as overly frightening, only a few things. I do not think attempting to describe them would really capture the happenings well enough for readers to grasp my fear, so I will leave that alone.

 

Next, I have been ADD and Bipolar for as long as I can recall. Add sugar and red dyes to see that intensified. consequently, my favorite drink as a child was Hawaiian Punch.

 

I was often perceived as a "misbehaving child". Though I think it was only because people did not know how to see me.

 

 

I was spanked everyday of kindergarten. I came home with pink slips so often from teachers who did not get me, that my dad settled on I was a bad kid who needed setting straight. The spankings eventually had no affect on me. I became bolder, more outspoken towards adults. Standing up for myself.

 

I think things out to much. In my head. I never trusted adults, because even as a young child I noticed that they did not agree. I noticed things not lining up, not making since. So I took what they told me with a grain of salt. A very small one.

 

That led to rebellion. See a pattern yet? The trained mind could guess what comes in teenage years. We can some up middle school quickly.

 

1. Dad diagnosed with level 3 brain tumor

2. Our house burned down, had to be rebuilt.

3. 6th  grade "awkward" phase

4. I hate math, grades begin slipping

5. I was put in LD/BD classes

6. Repeated 8th in a separate school due to bad behavior.

7. I find out how much I love music

 

Apparently, refusing to do schoolwork or homework is the equivalent of kicking the teacher. I was labeled a bad kid. But I struggled to understand math, and teachers do not really like it when you ask questions. So I gave up all together. 

 

HIGHSCHOOL!

I am sure I skipped oh so many good stories on the way here. And I will prob keep skipping good stuff since I am trying to shorten this.

 

Well, keep in mind that at this point, I was nobodies favorite child. My mom was having trouble dealing with me, my father too. Dad having his tumor still, it resulted in many violent outbursts of anger. Mother being overly strict and very religious, saw me as a battle she was fighting more than a child with problems. So all adults were basically yelling at me. Save for one, my psychologist Dr. Martin. Who, in suggesting my mother try a different outlook, upset my mother so much (she is very defensive) that I was not allowed to go back to him.

 

But I was allowed to take pills. I can not recall all the kinds my new doc tried on me, but it was a lot. Most did not help quite enough. Or I got side effects from them I couldn't handle.

 

MEANWHILE IN TEEN LAND:

I decided I loved rock music! I liked dying my hair every color I wished it was as a kid, and dressing in cute cloths. I was a "floater". A kid with interests and friends from various groups who "floated" from table to table at lunch. I excelled in Drama class, but I was still failing all things MATH.

 

I wanted to try new things. Black lipstick, driving fast in friends cars, meeting band boys, swimming and tanning. I loved malls, changing styles, catalogs, magazines, music, and fun. I liked flirting and playing. I had, on and off, messed with cigarettes since 6th grade.  I mean, Daddy smoked. He seemed to enjoy it. So I was a smoker in high school. Though it was challenging to get them.

 

Drugs of coarse were introduced. You can not expect to hang out with "fun kids" and not have that pop up somewhere. Well, despite being at the adults anti drug rallies and the lame propaganda videos, I tried them. My distrust of adults, and growing dislike of them, did help push me there.

 

Skipping to runaway.... I did run away once. Details of the misunderstanding that scared me into not wanting to go home are not important. Long story short, I stayed (unknowingly) with an ex con, or two. I was out of my territory here, over my head. After a while of the cops on these guys tails, they had to let me go. They were druggies and could not have me risking them getting caught. Probably a godsend. I got back home. Safe enough.

 

I dropped out of school. I refused to fight with teachers and continue struggling with a subject that no one cared to take the time to work with me. Though they sure had time to fuss at me for it.  I was getting in trouble to often, skipping, it was a mess. I was tired of the other teens anyway. DRAMA. Little silly drama.

 

My poor choice in certain friends however, kept me center stage in big drama. We can skip some of those interesting little embarrassingly dumb moments though.

 

Well, my pursuit of band boys had not stopped since it began. I sought out band guys. I met one that I now refer to as "The Devil". I was stuck in his clutches for years. I do not believe I ever really wanted to be there. Thinking on it now its like "How did that ever even happen?". I think the promise of "fun" kept me in. Parties, band gigs and practices, and being surrounded by fun attractive band guys. Drugs and alcohol were the chains that really imprisoned me there. Well, and a violent temper.

 

I broke free! against all odds, I did. I wanted to for years but was not able to. Then one day BOOM. Like a switch in my head, I just woke up and left. I got clean, still smoked. I walked daily with my little sister Rebecca. My family had to deal with me getting clean.

 

I got a job 3 to 4 days of working a week. It was nice getting out and meeting new people. I went to bar with them on the weekend, which in time just proved that I was not at all ready for bars and buddies. That went a tad messy.

 

Skipping some of that, lets move forward. To Jacob! My saving grace. He was not particularly religious, or anything like that. Just a sweet "good boy". Just what I needed.

 

 

A best friend, stern enough to aid me in quitting smoking, sweet enough to deal with my panic attacks and crazy in the process. We became inseparable. In many ways, he was like me. Just without all the insanity in his life. He walked a straighter path there.

 

 

 

But, the life we live does not make us who we are at our core. It merely builds character traits and strengths in overcoming.

 

 

WHO AM I, AT MY CORE?

 

Here is a list, of all things LANI:

 

- cartoons, cartoons, cartoons. new and old

- bright colors, glitter and sparkles

- crazy, sexy and cool (lotta crazy, lol)

- music of various kinds (electro, dance, alternative, rock, 80s, 90s, 70s, 50s, blues, etc)

- fuzzy creatures (there is a reason they call me ellie may clampet) 

- strangers, I love complimenting and talking to strangers

- good friends

- video games, board games, card games, outdoor games

- hating politians and mild conspiracy theorist

- varying artistic mind but fleeting swiftly rotating interests

- star trek and star wars (called a trekkie, though not techn one)

- trying new thing (more with acts than food)

- movies! ESP SCI-FI, action DISNEY, suspense, etc

- XFILES!

- paranormal stuff

- warm fuzzy thoughts

- being goofy I LOVE LAUGHING AND PPL WHO MAKE ME LAUGH ROCK

- I still like shopping

- CHOCOLATE

- I enjoy baking, kinda always wanted to own bakery

- I am not "type A". I don't like people taking little things too seriously

- I have a temper like the hulk

- I am a spoiler, big time.

- I am a cuddler and attention seeker

- I have a short fuse with women and bosses

- I retain lyrics fairly well, and will sing to songs I know

- I sing okay. not bad not great

- I like animals better than some people

- If you do not like animals, I can never really like you

- I still want to color and do go to toy isles and play.

- I love beef

- I hate veggies

- yes I do still drink. 1 or 2 drinks, once a blue moon.

- I am gluten intolerant but cant stop eating it

- I love baking the most

- yes I can cook well

- I love water, but hate getting my face wet

- I am not fond of children, but they are me

- my attention span still sucks, I am still forgetful too

- I read ALOT OF MISC FACTS MOST DAYS OF THE WEEK

- I am more religious now than I was before

- I still love dying my hair

- I like some girly things

- I still suffer from insomnia issues

- I like watching most things fiction, but with paranormal I like watching realistic true story stuff.

- I would rather have few good quality friends than tons of crappy ones

- I want to be rich.

- I love my family.

- Life is good

 

 

I guess that's enough for now.

 

At my core, I think little things like that sum up my personality more than my life has.

Happy Wife, Happy Life - The Series

Starting a series on this. The first of many?

Working through the need for praises... 

Yesterday, among my many tasks, was wall washing. Yes, wall washing. One of those chores (like dusting, sweeping, baseboards, ceilings, wiping down cabinets, organizing sock drawers, etc)  that seems almost pointless and necessary at the same time. The kind people are never inclined to even notice you did. But, be honest....do you? From the outside I never would. So I can't get angry since others don't. 

There are people who do. Who literally have the NEED to have everything they do, noticed and praised.  If you do not, they will be more than happy to mention it to you, so you can praise them properly. I consider that behavior in the "Nagging Wife" category. 

Nagging Wife Behaiors :

"You didn't do this right"

"You still haven't blah"

"You don't love me"

"You don't appreciate me"

"Friend's husband does this"

"Why don't we do this"

"Did you even notice this"

"Are you listening"

"Pay attention to me"

"Well I remember when you did this wrong"

"You never did thank me for this"

"Other people would love if I did this"

...etc

Think about it in reverse ladies. Would YOU like it if you had someone around you who never let up? Who was always riding you A88 on things you do wrong? Like a mean boss, bad teacher, evil babysitter or cranky mom? Someone who EVERYTIME you were around them they were NEGATIVE and COMPLAINING???????

BE YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER

Of course the key to this is to believe yourself.  

You can't think your lying to yourself. You must realize that you truly are wonderful. Most nagging behaviors stem from issues the women are actually having. 

I washed walls, I got no praise. I rarely get praise for everything I do, but I'm aware that he knows I do stuff.  I list some things I do each day when he gets off work, not so as to be praised, but to let him know I did not waste my entire day away while he was working. Even though, he never asks me. He trusts me that I do, but I want him to know that trust was well placed.

If you wanted them to appreciate you, take an alone vacay to see family or with your girls and leave him to the house by himself for a bit. REMEBER - you want your man to MISS YOU WHEN YOUR GONE... not throw a party. You want them to not want you to leave, to yearn for your return. The whole "I can't live without you", or "You complete me" sort of thing.  

So try to lay off the harpee harpee witchy nag queen act for the sake of your marriage. 

Unless you married to Homer Simpson or Al Bundy, in which case.... Run girl.

Now, If you consider a blog I posted before (Do 4U), mentioning something I often discuss with people, "battery charging" in regards to love. Thinking on that, YES you should get some praise. But you gET OUT WHAT YOU PUT IN. You put in UNHAPPY you get out UNHAPPY. Simple.

Try putting in fabulous wife stuff. Put in a little effort. Be THE HAPPY WIFE -

- Look good, even if its "no make up" good.

- Smile, laugh, be pleasant, open, talkative.

- Talk to him about his day, his problems, be supportive and understanding.

- Spoil him (make him cookies, rub his feet, back scratch, etc)

- Tell him he is amazing, and how. You love him, married him, so there has to be good there!

- Take care of your end, evenly. Think halfsies. If he works and you work, FAIRLY split up tasks (not all icky hard heavy sucky things him and sweeping cooking you) If you stay home, take care of all home tasks.

- Date nights are great, but make them around his time. If his job is tiring or stressful, don't nag about going out when he gets home. If he does not want to go out, then spend your nights in together.

- Try to take an interest in his things. Watch a show he likes, etc.

- Change up "love" routines. If he always starts, you start, if you do, play hard to get.

- Correct him in a more pleasant way, one he can absorb and won't block or ignore. 

- Explain yourself, try to dial back the chick-splination and explain in a way he can understand.

- Impress his friends and coworkers. They will remind him how good he has it if you do.

- Try to enjoy his friends sometimes, entertain.

- Allow him mistakes and imperfection. Forgive. Let go of the little things.

- FLIRT, it keeps a marriage alive. 

- BE HIS ROCK, FRIEND, PINUP, SERVENT, QUEEN, LOVER, AND SOULMATE.

-BE A POSTIVE THING IN HIS LIFE. iF YOU PUT IN GOOD (NOT OVERBEARLY IN A CRAZY DESPERATE WAY) THEN YOU CAN GET GOOD OUT!!!!

CHARGE HIS BATTERY! MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN AND HE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A WOMEN. YOU CAN ENJOY EACH OTHER TOGETHER IF YOU JUST LET GO OF YOUR INSECURITIES, COMPLAINTS, WORRY, FEAR, STRESS AND SELF OBSESSION AND LET THEM CATCH YOU AND HOLD YOU TIGHT!!!!

So don't be a begger, or a bitcher. Be a blessing. And know that you are one.