Whats a "Wife"? RANT BLOG

I'm Elena. I'm married to Jacob. I love and adore him. SO WHAT?

Is it anyone else's business HOW, WHY, WHEN OR WHAT? Nope. NO ONE can tell me how to run my marriage. If I want to spoil the snot out of my adorable loving husband (to what can occasionally be precieved from outsiders as "overboard") THAT IS MY BUSINESS.

Do I think I do TOO MUCH? No I do not. I honestly could do even better. 

Is there ANYTHING wrong with wanting to be THE DREAM WIFE? Why am I crazy for wanting to please my loving husband? Why does it bug people so much that I spoil him? He is not a pig, a monster. He is not taking advantage of me. 

If I wanted to sit on my butt and groan about my life and be a B he would not care. Though, I'm sure he did not fall in love with me for my negative side. He does not ask things of me that I have not been offering on him. I choose to do this. I could tell him I want to work and him to take my place. He prob would. But I like the idea of being THE PERFECT WIFE. Of him having better bragging rights other than just "my wife can cook" or "We get along" or "Shes pretty".Why can't it be all the great things?

I have issues with people finding out to what extent I spoil him and judging me. Even some thinking I'm a bad person for it. I say SCREW YOU... MY MARRIAGE MY BUSINESS! NOT YOURS! 

LOOK - as long as I'm not breaking any laws or hurting people, WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT I DO IN MY OWN LIFE? STOP BEING SO NOSEY, GET YOUR OWN LIFE. 

LEAVE US ALONE TO RUN OURS HOW WE SEE FIT. And if that includes spoiling my husband.... SO BE IT! He is mine after all, I married him. So i'll do what I want with my things.

yes I said mine. I own him, he owns me, we have a signed agreement to that effect. 

its so frustrating that others gotta try to piss on my mood with complaining.

 No matter what ppl say. I'll continue supporting, loving, adoring and spoiling my husband. Thats my job, I'm his WIFE.

Happy Wife, Happy Life - The Series

Starting a series on this. The first of many?

Working through the need for praises... 

Yesterday, among my many tasks, was wall washing. Yes, wall washing. One of those chores (like dusting, sweeping, baseboards, ceilings, wiping down cabinets, organizing sock drawers, etc)  that seems almost pointless and necessary at the same time. The kind people are never inclined to even notice you did. But, be honest....do you? From the outside I never would. So I can't get angry since others don't. 

There are people who do. Who literally have the NEED to have everything they do, noticed and praised.  If you do not, they will be more than happy to mention it to you, so you can praise them properly. I consider that behavior in the "Nagging Wife" category. 

Nagging Wife Behaiors :

"You didn't do this right"

"You still haven't blah"

"You don't love me"

"You don't appreciate me"

"Friend's husband does this"

"Why don't we do this"

"Did you even notice this"

"Are you listening"

"Pay attention to me"

"Well I remember when you did this wrong"

"You never did thank me for this"

"Other people would love if I did this"

...etc

Think about it in reverse ladies. Would YOU like it if you had someone around you who never let up? Who was always riding you A88 on things you do wrong? Like a mean boss, bad teacher, evil babysitter or cranky mom? Someone who EVERYTIME you were around them they were NEGATIVE and COMPLAINING???????

BE YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER

Of course the key to this is to believe yourself.  

You can't think your lying to yourself. You must realize that you truly are wonderful. Most nagging behaviors stem from issues the women are actually having. 

I washed walls, I got no praise. I rarely get praise for everything I do, but I'm aware that he knows I do stuff.  I list some things I do each day when he gets off work, not so as to be praised, but to let him know I did not waste my entire day away while he was working. Even though, he never asks me. He trusts me that I do, but I want him to know that trust was well placed.

If you wanted them to appreciate you, take an alone vacay to see family or with your girls and leave him to the house by himself for a bit. REMEBER - you want your man to MISS YOU WHEN YOUR GONE... not throw a party. You want them to not want you to leave, to yearn for your return. The whole "I can't live without you", or "You complete me" sort of thing.  

So try to lay off the harpee harpee witchy nag queen act for the sake of your marriage. 

Unless you married to Homer Simpson or Al Bundy, in which case.... Run girl.

Now, If you consider a blog I posted before (Do 4U), mentioning something I often discuss with people, "battery charging" in regards to love. Thinking on that, YES you should get some praise. But you gET OUT WHAT YOU PUT IN. You put in UNHAPPY you get out UNHAPPY. Simple.

Try putting in fabulous wife stuff. Put in a little effort. Be THE HAPPY WIFE -

- Look good, even if its "no make up" good.

- Smile, laugh, be pleasant, open, talkative.

- Talk to him about his day, his problems, be supportive and understanding.

- Spoil him (make him cookies, rub his feet, back scratch, etc)

- Tell him he is amazing, and how. You love him, married him, so there has to be good there!

- Take care of your end, evenly. Think halfsies. If he works and you work, FAIRLY split up tasks (not all icky hard heavy sucky things him and sweeping cooking you) If you stay home, take care of all home tasks.

- Date nights are great, but make them around his time. If his job is tiring or stressful, don't nag about going out when he gets home. If he does not want to go out, then spend your nights in together.

- Try to take an interest in his things. Watch a show he likes, etc.

- Change up "love" routines. If he always starts, you start, if you do, play hard to get.

- Correct him in a more pleasant way, one he can absorb and won't block or ignore. 

- Explain yourself, try to dial back the chick-splination and explain in a way he can understand.

- Impress his friends and coworkers. They will remind him how good he has it if you do.

- Try to enjoy his friends sometimes, entertain.

- Allow him mistakes and imperfection. Forgive. Let go of the little things.

- FLIRT, it keeps a marriage alive. 

- BE HIS ROCK, FRIEND, PINUP, SERVENT, QUEEN, LOVER, AND SOULMATE.

-BE A POSTIVE THING IN HIS LIFE. iF YOU PUT IN GOOD (NOT OVERBEARLY IN A CRAZY DESPERATE WAY) THEN YOU CAN GET GOOD OUT!!!!

CHARGE HIS BATTERY! MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN AND HE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A WOMEN. YOU CAN ENJOY EACH OTHER TOGETHER IF YOU JUST LET GO OF YOUR INSECURITIES, COMPLAINTS, WORRY, FEAR, STRESS AND SELF OBSESSION AND LET THEM CATCH YOU AND HOLD YOU TIGHT!!!!

So don't be a begger, or a bitcher. Be a blessing. And know that you are one.

Fabulous Wife, Fabulous Life

That is correct. I am blogging about this. I found a corresponding ABC News Article written on the subject as well. Click here to read. 

I have been delaying my writing about this for some time. I think a lot of women can get a tad princessy over the idea. I do not agree with the attitude that we should be worshiped like cats in Egypt. I don't really think either spouse should be treated like a god. However, I think the way women "spoil" men can be perceived that way. 

I usually ENJOY spoiling my husband. WHY? I'm in a good mood. I'm HAPPY.

See, I do not think "Happy wife = Happy life" means what women want it to mean. I think its more on the basis of, our emotions rule us more than men. If we are in a good mood, we are more nurturing, giving, selfless, and want him to be also. 

I think outsiders might see my husbands being spoiled in the wrong light. They are not there to see how happy he keeps me. Lucky for him, I do not require "acts". Its not really one of my major LOVE Languages. My big ones are words, time and touch. Mostly the latter two. Snuggles alone in our room fills my "happy meter" or "battery" up. I feel recharged and ready to spoil him. 

Yes, we enjoy "play fighting". I act like something he is doing bothers me, its a weird form of flirting others do not get. It puts him in "cute mode". Plus he thinks I'm cute when I'm mad, so we put on a show and act. Though not well, since we smile the whole time. Real fight between two bipo's would not be so cute or silly. 

Yes we have real disagreements. Usually one bowing out to the others want easily fixes it. If i'm happy, I easily bow out, if I'm not, I insist on a compromise. 

Being married is not always a stepford wives scene. But, I'd say 85% or more of the time Hubby and I are still deeply in love. 

He is my prince charming, my knight, my hero, my dream, my wish and my best friend. I think more wives should work on their perception of their man and their marriage. A "What about me?" attitude never solved anything. Try being thoughtful and giving, and he may want to return it. Love = Love. You get out what you put in. Hubby puts in love, and I absorb a little like a lot. So he gets what is thought as or called spoiled. 

I call it love.

He does things for me, I do things for him. That is how it should be.

 Happy wife (make her smile, her heart dance, make her laugh or feel loved)

Happy Life (She will want to use her natural kind nurturing female nature to care for you)

Just remember ppl, Its love, not a contest. 

Be happy together, for each other, with each other. In love. 

Treat them like you love them.

there will be a part two to this. ;) 

Shut Your Mouth

There was a crude "southern" saying that goes "Opinions are like a*holes, everybody has got one"

Now, excusing that, let me make my point. Everyone has something to say about everything, it does not mean you need to listen. Most people are under the impression that THEIR opinion is in fact the RIGHT one. That they know what they are talking about, that their "experience" in said field, or roadside knowledge, will be fitting and helpful to you and your situation.

NOT TRUE!

Take all opinions with a grain of salt. Do not ever follow advice of an average flawed human being. Take heed, listen, keep it in mind. But leave it at that. 

ALWAYS FORM YOUR OWN OPINION, YOUR OWN CONCLUSION. 

------------------------

There are in fact people who inspired this rant. My husband and I get quite interesting responses from others based on our way of handling our marriage. We love each other, and our life together, and neither is unhappy or sees any flaw. However, outsiders opinions vary. Mostly by sex, and who it is they are addressing.

WOMEN will talk to Jacob, and oppose. They do not like him having me be his right hand man/secretary. Handling all bills, paperwork, files, information, and all other icky duties that stress him out. they say he needs to be grown up and independent and handle it himself. Funny to me, I though being married meant being a team and working together for each other and a common goal of happiness, not selfish behavior and self serving independence. 

I find women talking to me, never understand why I go through so much stress and effort for him. "Why are you doing it all, he can do it, he is grown." Acting like I'm being his slave, or he is using me. I think that most women are to worried about liberation, independence, and their own happiness. and to many not worried about their partners happiness. 

MEN talking to Jacob are shocked and jealous, thinking Jacob has it made. Acting like he is spoiled and lucky to find someone who is so concerned with helping him. Complaining, often times, that their spouse or partner would not help them out like that. Even more so if they are single. To them, I am considered "the cool wife". Even with the men talking to me, its the same, "Jacob is a lucky man". 

On the reverse, often times Jacobs "rules" are misunderstood, as are his gifts to me. Outsiders either view him as an overly strict controlling husband, or as a chump for buying me things. 

These misunderstanding are from people only having a few curious pieces of our love puzzle and trying to guess from the few random scattered bits of information they believe they have gathered.  so from there bitter unhappy selfish viewpoints, they often times guess very wrong. 

IT WAS NO SURPRISE TO ME, WHEN I LEARNED SOME OF THE NAY SAYING WOMEN WERE PREVIOUS DIVORCEES. 

With there queenly nagging mouthy attitudes, its not at all strange to learn they disapprove of the way I spoil Jacob. If they approved, I'd think I might be in trouble. Where as the happy wives of strong marriages, as well the husbands, are more inclined to agree "yes, thats exactly how we do it", or "we are the same way". They will usually see our hearts and love in our actions, and see past the outside. More likely to agree with the way we do things, because of seeing why they were done. 

Its no ones business, but I put so much effort into Jacob because I've seen him struggle with stress and unhappiness when he is left to deal with the boring important bs work. Not that it doesn't stress me out as well, but as a couple you should know your strengths, and I handle life stresses as these much better than Jacob. So, since I'm only a house wife, with no children of human origin to care for, why not? I myself am not perfect, I do make mistakes, but Jacob is not quick to criticize since he loathes doing what I'm doing so much. If I was to be working, the more I worked, the more the duties would be split accordingly. 

Its about not only a fair balance, but A HAPPY BALANCE.

You take on what you know you can handle, and that they cannot. Being married works best when you both emphasize each others strengths, and make up for each others weaknesses. Not the other way around. 

IN MY MIND  - the husband is solely responsible 100% for the wife's happiness and care.

and the wife is solely responsible 100% for the husbands happiness and care. 

If you are both using all your power to look after each others happiness, then both are being properly fulfilled and taken care of. And the love and care from another is far more pure than the love of yourself. 

So, while I do not pretend to know everything, and this is merely my opinion and meant to be taken equally with a grain of salt, I still feel the need to clear up my thoughts on the matter. 

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.

XOXO

LD