Insight to Outsight

So, there are a few "insights" or epiphanies I have had. Learned, discovered, what have you. 

One. 

My lawyer, who never briefs me (or instructs me or explains crap!), asked me, mid session (in front of judge) about my "racing thoughts". To my knowledge I have not heard this term, nor knew what it meant. Of coarse, I forget my own name, birthday, age, or what I said ten mins ago. So, my memory is not a case maker/breaker. So I tried to wing it, by explaining what I do deal with in my thoughts. Well, here is what I read today as to what racing thoughts are....

"Racing thoughts refers to the rapid thought patterns that often occur in manic, hypomanic, or mixed episodes. While racing thoughts are most commonly described in people with bipolar disorder, they are also common with anxiety disorders, such as OCD. Racing thoughts are also associated with use of amphetamines and sleep deprivation.^[1]

Racing thoughts may be experienced as background or take over a person's consciousness. Thoughts, music, and voices might be zooming through one's mind. There also might be a repetitive pattern of voice or of pressure without any associated "sound". It is a very overwhelming and irritating feeling, and can result in losing track of time.

Generally, racing thoughts are described by an individual who has had an episode as an event where the mind uncontrollably brings up random thoughts and memories and switches between them very quickly. Sometimes they are related, as one thought leads to another; other times they are completely random. A person suffering from an episode of racing thoughts has no control over his or her train of thought and it stops them from focusing on one topic or prevents sleeping." (wiki)

 Well, yes. But ALL the time pretty much. My mind is like an eight lane freeway. Sometimes there is more traffic than others, but there are always eight open lanes of thought going. ALWAYS. So, I guess I do.

I'm thinking, I described my issues, and they attached the name. But I am not sure I was ever informed of it. Granted, as previously stated, BAD BAD AWFUL MEMORY.

Two.

Love.... Where is it?

Spread love. Not anger. Hate is bad, no matter how nice its dressed or what intentions its hiding behind. Touch the world with a tender hand. An open heart. 

I know people can have good intentions. But first and foremost, loving each other, our brothers and sister, our fellow man, that should be our focus. 

Our world is maintaining a cold heart, but a strong tongue.  Principles can be fought, ideals may not be agreed on, but love should. We are to diverse in our beliefs, creeds, ideals, opinions, races, sex, ages, etc. So we should stop focusing on the ones we don't like, on leaving some one out, on our anger towards someone, and focus on healing our world with love.

this is my open eyes moment. I realize, my mouth, mind and heart containers to many negatives. I thought about how much I say that is hurtful. How often I pick at people. This is not constructive behavior. To make the world a better place, we must love all we can. Everyone. Inspire through love, not war. Not anger or bills, or court, or protests or segregation, or hate of any kind. 

I can be mean. I have been working on fixing that. But today, on thinking about Jesus, and how kind and loving he was to everyone, even to the scum of the ghetto, the whores and thieves. He was gentle and kind, spreading the word through love, acts of kindness, tenderness, forgiveness, and teachings. I think on children these days growing up in such a hate filled, war crazy, argumentative, noninclusive, angry, finger pointing, judgmental society. Children are learning anger to early. I feel a weight in my chest for my actions throughout my life. 

You cannot be a good person if you are a mean person. I want to be good, to be kind. 

I don't want hate in my heart. And I do not except that god hates any person. All SINNERS are the same in his eyes. Lost children, he loves them and wants them back. Not hate. Concern. Jesus would lead back by love, not segregating them. God is light, pure good, love. Love cannot be hate. There can be no dark in light.

Sometimes, we should shake a finger at ourselves. I think that self evalutaion, and reinvention (or editting) is a good practice. It is something that we should keep in mind during our "new years resalutions" (not just "i'll lose weight") or  "spring cleaning" (clean your self) whenever. 

I try to. But once in a pink moon, I'll have a big heart pounding, guilt inducing, mind opening insight that brings real self AWARENESS. That makes me realize big things in me I should fix. That I can be wrong, be human, I can sin. 

Instead of finding wrong things in others, look for them in yourself. In stead of battling others, battle yourself. Instead of saving their souls, save yourself. Now to the wrong mind, that all could be taken wrong. I mean it in a good way. A self reflection way. A loving way. We are to nosey, to concerned with what everyone else is doing. "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". and "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

I think self meditation, and self "medication" (find it, fix it), is an important part of us being human. Keep a good eye on yourself, you never know what crap you'll pull, your human. Human = flawed. We are forever stumbling children, when we reach full height and longer years, we put our big boy pants on and think we have everything figured out. We are in CONSTANT need or watching correcting, fixing. Even the best behaved people I know, the most godly, make MISTAKES A LOT. And like the rest of us, they will not always see them. Let no man be your leader, your idle, your influence. Only Jesus was fit for that job.

I hate taking a stance on a "side". Like there are only two sides to everything. Like life is ever that cut and dry, that simple.  But I will take the side of equality, togetherness, kindness and love. If its not on either side, I'm not picking one. Its not a fight worth getting in.

You always GET OUT what YOU PUT IN. Put in LOVE.

Three!

I give up on all politics. 

You ever realize your fighting a loosing battle? The unwinnable war? Politics. Yup. Its not even about what its about. Its a mini drama series. An ongoing cat fight. Mud slinging babes in bikinis. Its a song an dance, a show, a game, a facade. Politicians do not care for anyone, not really even their own family. To me, they are all to deep in the doodoo to smell the stink. Pigs. Swine. All of them. Unsavable? NO, never. But some one would have to end the game they are all so absorbed in. Selling their souls too. Only god can do that. No human is going to stop it. Not at this point. Esp not with most people buying tickets to the show. Most Americans eat this truth flavored lie pie like its the real deal. They swallow it up. They are open to swallowing anything others tell them, they do not see that those others are as misinformed as they are. Blind leading the blind. All surrounded by this evil political circus. 

There is no "good" choice. There is no real choice at all. That is what people do not understand. We do not have control, they took it away. We are stuck with this minor plastic illusion of a choice. Cheap plastic if you ask me. But just enough to fool the weak, the warn, the beaten down, the poor, the unhappy, the desperate people of our society. The majority of us. We are to stressed, busy, unhappy or tired to pay close attention. We are all grasping at straws for sanity here. People are not ready to believe the country is so far from what we want it to be. So far in the sewers, in the muck, so polluted. 

That is what is truely what is wrong with the world. Could it be fixed by mere humans? YES, but not easily. These days we are soft and not use to the labor and stress of revolution. Who would stand up first? Who would have the strength of will to follow? Would they be capable of handling the possible consequences? 

I just see that as unlikely. People are to comfortable in today's society. Technology, modernization, etc. To much to distract us. To much we feel we would have to give up. It take desperate times. 

Needless to say, to the DISMAY of everyone else, I will likely not be voting. I REMOVE MYSELF from the circus, from the GAME. Player out! 

LASTLY!

On the subject of EQUALITY....

lets discuss FEMINIST real quick.

THEY ARE WRONG>>>THE END...lol, no jk. Sort of.

Women that do this seem angry. Unhappy, generally unpleasent. Kinda remind me of a vicious untrained dog let off its leash. 

I think there is a misunderstanding with the EQUALITY thing. Ladies, being treated EQUAL to men does NOT mean being treated BETTER than them. 

Your not in compition with the. Stop being so angry and fighting unneeded battles. Your a cat they are dogs. WE ARE DIFFERENT! Stop comparing apples to oranges. We have different things about us that make us wonderful. We ARE NOT the same as men, or we WOULD BE MEN. 

This attitude does nothing for our society. I totally get how it started, but their is to much anger behind it now, and its taking it to a bad place. LETITGO

Try just being yourself, being happy, NON ARGUMENTATIVE, friendly, kind and loving. Do you think Jesus would like the attitude? The behaviors? Its hard enough to get men to act right, the last thing we need is women behaving like men.

REJOICE in being a soft girly blessed female. ENJOY what we are given, BE THANKFUL and be PROUD that you are different with men. STOP RUNNING IN RACES THAT ARE NOT YOURS! 

CAn't we all just get along? And stop pretending the world is as backward as it was! Its issues now are not the same as before. Now its issues belong to all the unkindness and ingenuousness, and all the controlling unhappy people causing problems. The anger. The wars, The hate. Its all bad, dark, negative.

LETS SPREAD LOVE, KINDNESS, LIGHT INTO THIS DARK WORLD -IN ONLY THE KIND LOVING TENDER WAY A WOMEN CAN!

Be proud to be a women, but be a WOMEN. NOT a MAN!

those are all my opinions. Please don't get mad and burn churches or bridges over it. Do not let the thoughts of others so easily upset you. My intention are positive. I do not intend to upset you. But if you are, that is on you to handle. 

If you visit, I can hug you though :)

Fabulous Wife, Fabulous Life

That is correct. I am blogging about this. I found a corresponding ABC News Article written on the subject as well. Click here to read. 

I have been delaying my writing about this for some time. I think a lot of women can get a tad princessy over the idea. I do not agree with the attitude that we should be worshiped like cats in Egypt. I don't really think either spouse should be treated like a god. However, I think the way women "spoil" men can be perceived that way. 

I usually ENJOY spoiling my husband. WHY? I'm in a good mood. I'm HAPPY.

See, I do not think "Happy wife = Happy life" means what women want it to mean. I think its more on the basis of, our emotions rule us more than men. If we are in a good mood, we are more nurturing, giving, selfless, and want him to be also. 

I think outsiders might see my husbands being spoiled in the wrong light. They are not there to see how happy he keeps me. Lucky for him, I do not require "acts". Its not really one of my major LOVE Languages. My big ones are words, time and touch. Mostly the latter two. Snuggles alone in our room fills my "happy meter" or "battery" up. I feel recharged and ready to spoil him. 

Yes, we enjoy "play fighting". I act like something he is doing bothers me, its a weird form of flirting others do not get. It puts him in "cute mode". Plus he thinks I'm cute when I'm mad, so we put on a show and act. Though not well, since we smile the whole time. Real fight between two bipo's would not be so cute or silly. 

Yes we have real disagreements. Usually one bowing out to the others want easily fixes it. If i'm happy, I easily bow out, if I'm not, I insist on a compromise. 

Being married is not always a stepford wives scene. But, I'd say 85% or more of the time Hubby and I are still deeply in love. 

He is my prince charming, my knight, my hero, my dream, my wish and my best friend. I think more wives should work on their perception of their man and their marriage. A "What about me?" attitude never solved anything. Try being thoughtful and giving, and he may want to return it. Love = Love. You get out what you put in. Hubby puts in love, and I absorb a little like a lot. So he gets what is thought as or called spoiled. 

I call it love.

He does things for me, I do things for him. That is how it should be.

 Happy wife (make her smile, her heart dance, make her laugh or feel loved)

Happy Life (She will want to use her natural kind nurturing female nature to care for you)

Just remember ppl, Its love, not a contest. 

Be happy together, for each other, with each other. In love. 

Treat them like you love them.

there will be a part two to this. ;) 

My Hair Share

I was told, if I can lose weight and get fit, I can dye my hair! For those of you unaware, hubby like "natural". As well as low maintenance. So he said "no coloring/dying/etc". So now I have all virgin locks. As well as long hair since he requested I grow it out. 

Now, my hubby loves me how I am. I has never stopped being attracted to me, I can def vouche for that. (he drives me bonkers at times, lol) but he knows what I want. He gets to hear about it alot, and wants me to be happy. He likes buying me clothes and has to hear me complain about how I look in some things and not wanting them. So he has agreed as a motivational method to let me break his "no dye" rule if I reach my goal. 

YAY! 

So I started picking out hair cuts recently, because I have not had one in a long time! Since my last hair cut from my stylist Josh, before he injured himself. My hair has grown from up near my chin to under my boobs in that time. And I feel like its a freaking blanket. Its cut in no style, so I don't really like the look of it down. 

As much as it bugs me and I want a cut, I figured (for 2 reasons...) I'd not get a cut until I lost weight. Maybe the annoyance and irritation of my shapeless locks will drive me nuts enough to motivate me extra. Since its something I can see and deal with everyday, vs being use to seeing no color. Also, for more "wow" when I get it all done at once. Like a makeover.

Shocking prob to those of you who know the trim rules, to avoid "breakage" and damage. But alas, I have been blessed and in my disliking my shapeless mane, I keep it pulled up alot. Which between that and my obedience to the hair care rules, have few split ends and fairly low down. I was SHOCKED! I hope to maintain  that until I get my cut. 

What cut, and color am I swooning over right now? 

My cut crush for the moment is Marisa Miller, specifically Grammy shots of recent. 

also....

My reasons : (first mostly)  her hairs fluffy lighter/fine, wavy, dry texture reminds me of my hair. Her part is center (I always like cuts that are off center but have a die hare center part) and the longer lengths are close as well. It also looks easy to fix. Big plus!

Hair color crushes? 

STRAWBERRY BLONDE (my biggest interest right now)

Brown with blonde

honey blonde

or other blondes.

I am leaning towards blonde. Why? I'm sure Jacob saying "no blonde" has some to do with it. But also, the last hair color I did have was dark. And I want light. And, Jacob did really like this one picture of me where I was blonde. And met me with blonde "rogue" streaks. 

Staying away from direct red, as it can limit what you where. Also its higher upkeep, fades fast. Maybe later though. IDK. 

Also trying to stick to more "grown up" pics. Aiming foor sexy bed head. My hair stays in a bed head curl mostly. I pull it up while drying to prevent at least 60% of its curls. So its like tousled tresses.

So thats my hair hopes. 

Now since it will be a bit before I reach my goal, I could eventully work on setting aside funds for it. 

And for my cut. My hair will def have more growing time if I do keep from cutting it until then. 

hugs!
LD

The Battle of The Bodies

There has been a female war waging. Esp in advertising. The web has helped to spread both sides of the campain. But it seems to me, that the middle ground again goes unrepresented. 

Fat vs Thin

Curvey vs Skinny

What ever happened to healthy?

I do realize we need plus sized models, do to the industries need to produce clothing for women of a weight/size range that do not fit in conevtional standards of clothing sizes. And I know also that there are naturally "thin" chicks out there as well. But why work so hard to fight for such a minor group? Why fight so hard on sides that miss the whole issue that really started the fight? HEALTH.

Let us tell a quick tale. Models are being urged to weigh in, to eat more, to not be thin. Those whose weights are under are cut from ads and let go. This is infuriating the noodles, I'm sorry the respectable ladies (who deny eating disorders to get as unrealisticaly thin as they are). So they are fighting it. 

On the other end... there are the more thick side of the debate. Pictures of weighty women, and plump models nude to campain the big and beautiful side. Promoting curves are for REAL WOMEN. 

Now, while anything that can produce offspring is a women..... (overies lady, sperm man) It is actually female hormones that produce said curves. But the curves of which I speak are breasts, hips and butts. Curves related to sexuality and baby making. There is a reason nature puts mens desire for hips, larger hips are better breeders. Its part of nature ppl. This does not include curves other places. 

Now that storytime is over. You understand. There is a war between the two sides. Two sides I see as both riding the borderlines (or crossing) of what is HEALTHY FOR YOUR BODY!

I'll never understand why healthy is not hot....

^ this last pic. The three ladies are all lovely. And all real women. But the middle one is the more appealing look to me. 

Why not just stick to the healthy BMI or fat BFP range for models? 

There is whining "its not fair to the naturally thin". PFFFT! Since when has modeling been a "fair" industry????????? To my knowledge you must be a certain height, look, and age range to even consider main stream modeling? I have only part of my left arm, by birth, so I realize that myself (and those alike) could never be models. DO YOU HEAR ME WHINING???? NO! GET OVER IT!

ITS BS!

BS that is leading to results such as this.... meet ms universe....

ain't she lovely? (sarcasm) nothing says sexy like seeing skeleton. Nothing says "best of the best." or "i'm a winner" or even 'healthy" like someone who looks like they escaped a concentration camp. 

and the other side....

the plump fight... 

Nothing is wrong with being plus sized... but if its unhealthy there is a problem. 

As seen in this popular picture....

Being overweight is no better than being underweight. You should want to be ..

THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE!

and that means vital, vibrant, healthy, happy, brilliant, content, motivated, etc. 

Just think on this for a second (refering to modeling) Who would you want to see in a swimsuit????

WE SHOULD PROMOTE HEALTHY MODELS. HEALTHY ADS AND TV MEANS A STEP TOWARDS A HEALTHY AMERICA!

....just sayin.......LD

The "Do 4 U" Epidemic (Prob not super chick friendly)

*this was inspired by a chick in an MFP forum post about her and her husbands issues. And the slew of "you go girl" and "do u" advice that followed. Bad advice for a marriage on the rocks already*

I understand, girls have power now...and thats just precious and all, but lets get serious for a moment. Lets put the PMS and mood swings aside. Lets stop burning our bras and bludgeoning with skillets. Lets just let go of the "take me for-serious" attitudes, get the hands off the hips, the scrunches off the lips, and talk real big girl life for a moment. 

Yes, *pats on head* your super-duper important, your the bestest thing ever, the prettiest and mostest awesome and deserving starlet diva miss thing anyone has ever seen. Ok, now moving on...

Lets pretend for one moment women really did want to be EQUAL to men, and not really better than them (ie - super bitch goddesses that crush their nuts and wallets at the slightest sign of disobedience and improper worship). 

Lets pretend that their feeling, thoughts, etc, actually mean something to women, and that women really did plan on fulfilling the marriage vows. That you do put his needs first, that you are willing to take a bullet for your love. That you do care about something outside of yourself more.

MARRIAGE

Let us explore what I define this UNION to mean, shall we? 

UnIon. UnI....on. (just saying....)

Its a merging, or two ppl into one. I personally (you do not have to agree, but me n' hubs do and that is what matters) think that it means that when two soulmates find each other, that they are eternally bound in love. Being bound together should not be bad, btw. To me marriage is saying "You mean more to me than ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING MYSELF". 

WHY IS IT PUTTING SOMEONE ELSES NEEDS ABOVE YOURS HAS BECOME A BAD THING???????

Why is caring about how they feel or think bad? Why is caring bad? 

I think that the best marriage is one where the largest % of time is you spending making them happy. And they you. Its an exchange. You let go of yourself, and give yourself to them, they let go of themselves, and give them to you. You work to make one another happy, like a ying yang or a RING. A circle of happiness, that keeps going on and on. 

Yes there will be learning periods, where they did not know how to do this right, or that that bothered you. But you just settle it and keep going. 

And you DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN AN ARGUMENT OR GET YOUR WAY. Compromise ppl. Its not only part of growing up, its part of love. If you love somebody give a few inches, and try to meet in the middle. Your not losing. Its not a battle! IF YOU THINK ITS A WAR BETWEEN YOU TWO, BATTLES, THEN YOU ARE SEPARATING SIDES AND THATS NOT GOOD. 

It should not be this bratty prideful selfish desire to be right and get what YOU want. It should be about "Whats best for US AS A WHOLE?". 

And lets just be honest here, no matter how much they rock and you love them....

FRIENDS AND FAMILY (PEOPLE REALLY) ARE NOT REALLY GREAT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Why? I'll tell you. 

Outside opinions, often getting one side, and prone to taking a side. Opinions that are likely not the same as yours (both "yours" not you "yours") They love to delve out advice, and its not often "kiss and make up" advice. And with the high rate and ridiculously common problem of failed or bad (or imperfect) marriages out there, why on earth would you take any outside advice? Advice that is likely tainted by a imperfect relationship? And even in perfect ones, its not "one size fits all". Something can work for one and not another. Thats why we use the "smile and nod" method. You politely accept, listen, smile and nod your head in agreement, but not absorb and ounce of it. 

What else can be trouble? Temptations. Like opposite sex friends..... let us explore that randomly picked topic! 

*not random, it was the issue the girl previously noted at very top was having*

Why do some ppl say that men and women find it hard to be friends? Well, I suppose not ALL do. But lets face it (lets get honest), its mostly an issue that ATTRACTIVE SEXY PEOPLE FACE. The desirable ppl usually realize that it is in fact hard, because ppl want them. They are physically attracted to them, and if on top of that attraction, they are friendly it seems that 2/3's is good enough to egnite a spark. Which is what causes trouble. I honestly am shocked that I have to explain this to people. But I guess that there are people that are less desireable (personality, sexuality, attractiveness) so they might not have had that issue. 

Picture you are in elementary school. You got this bestest buddy that you adore. Bestest buddy and you get in a disagreement. And bestest buddy goes and plays with other kids often while still mad at you. Here is where ppl get confused by tossing up emotional related details. "Insecure" or "Trust issues". 

Think of it in the since of a mouse. A mouse goes to one door and gets zapped, and another and gets cheese. The mouses mind will lead him to avoid the zappy door, and the cheese door will be more appealing. Even if zappy door was a door to its house, family, or freedom. It will choose cheese door. 

Well in bestestbudville, bestest buddies mind is now being conditioned like the mouse. Unpleasant interactions with you, yet pleasant ones with others might lead bud to pick another besty. Being that you have now become an unpleasant thing to deal with. Even if it was just temporary. 

This goes even moreso in life. Because that unpleasantness is often magnified by outsiders words. And also... if sex is not being had, than hormones can lend a hand in exasperating the dilemma. 

ME VS THEM

People seem to have an issue with the "of one mind" part of marriage. They act like that they and their spouse are on separate teams. Like their is a clear winner and loser. This is not suppose to be the case. Honey, if your on separate teams, your both losing in the relationship. 

It also should not have to be him vs your friends, your family, ex lovers, or even a dog. (that works both ways actually). If there was a big battle between you and his mother (very commonly wives and mothers butt heads due to the mother having issues with an idea of being "replaced" or out done by the new women) and this battle got heated, to full on war, would you not demand that he pick between his mother and you? YES! Most women I know have had this issue at one point and made him choose. So why is it okay for you to seperate him from family for your love, but NOT okay for him to say he has issues with friends you have?????? HOW IS THAT FAIR!!!!????

WHY IS IT, THAT IT SEEMS, THAT ONLY US CHICKS GET THE RIGHT TO DEMAND AND COMPLAIN IN RELATIONSHIPS, BUT NOT MEN?????? 

MEN ARE PPPL TOO! Just saying.

Go on pretending your Queen Fantastic, on your throne of Fabulous ruling your kingom of Awesome. Thats fine, strut the walk, squak the talk. Whatever. But if you refuse to see him as a part of your team, and your equal, then your DEPRIVING YOURSELF OF AN AWESOME LOVE.

So I suppose by now, you can guess, I'M NOT A FEMMINIST? True, I'm not down with that. I believe in SPOILING MY MAN ROTTEN! BEYOND ROTTEN! 

In fact, the ones who know us well as a couple have come to make jokes about this. And in his army group I'm dubbed "the cool wife" often jesting he doesn't "desreve" me. Which is bull btw! 

Not all deeds may be as obvious on both sides to outside veiwers, but he has his deeds too. I might spoil him in more obvious ways, but he has my needs well satisfied. 

THINK OF IT LIKE BATTERIES!

You both have batteries (love/needs) that need to stay charged. And imagine it costs energy to fill the others charge. Now they need to do the same to fill your charge. So your eternally charging one another. NO OUTSIDE CHARGING NEEDED. 

This is also why outside advice can not work. Due to how different each person is, pairing two individual ppl together makes for very unique pairing. Not all needs and whatnot work for all ppl. You must learn theirs, keep them charged and teach them yours, so they can charge yours. 

If you do it right, you'll know. There is a euphoria felt when a couples hearts and mind work as one. A sense of fullfilment and completion. 

Now, this is not to say, DONT HAVE FRIENDS, FUN OR FAMILY. Its to say... GET THINGS RIGHT WITH EACH OTHER FIRST, PRIORITIZE OR JUST LET THEM GO AND "DO FOR YOU". YOU CANNOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS AND BE HAPPY. 

Couples can have friends and be happy. If they are a whole heart and mind. If they are a happy couple. 

.... I should prob stop here. I can go on forever!

love ld

2011

I figured it be nice to publicly declare the positive aspects in my life from last year. Each day is a gift they say. And each year is not promised to us. I'm thankful for all I have, and for making it to age 30 and into the new millennium and 2012. 

a quickie pic free list of my top 11 fave blessings from 2011:

1. another year married to my love! We celebrated our second year anniversary in november 2011.

2. another year with Josie. She is probably about 8 years old now, and I adore my baby girl. I'm blessed each year I spend with her. I am glad she is in good health and happy.

3. family. your never promised you'll get to see them again, so every year you do is special.

4. officer dixon. helping Jacob and taking a liking to him because he saw in Jacobs heart and saw his purity and strength. He truly tries so hard to help us through this process. Nice man

.

5. sgrt. paul, so willing and eager to vouch for Jacob and cheer him on. He is a good influence to Jacob. I think he sorta looks up to him in a brotherly way.

6. another year with Jacobs car. she is fading off a bit faster, we have not had the money to get a new one. So really everytime she cranks now (esp in winter) is a miracle!

7. well fed! we were not eating healthy, or as kings. But I heard of a family whose youngest died of starvation do to poverty brought on by the recession. We ate just fine, never going hungry. often putting on weight. lol. esp holidays. 

8. xmas. i know not everyone could afford an xmas with gifts. though family, love, warmth, food, music and cartoons really are enough. we still, considering everyone being broke, had a good xmas in terms of gifts. Not a vital part, not necessary, but a blessing.

9. hubby time! Jacob left his horrible job early to focus his time and energy on his apd application. That has givin me over a month (maybe almost 1.5ish) of hubby time! he gets to relax and enjoy no 16 hour shifts or crazy schedules, managers or ppl. and I get to enjoy him. rocks. major blessing!

10. I turned 30! sounds like I'd be sad, but I have had too many "close calls" in my life. I think if I was a cat, I'd be on life number 7 at LEAST! so every year I get to be alive and with my love and the world I feel is a blessing!

.... I notice my explanations for these are getting increasingly longer. lol. The "summing it up" I guess wore off quick. 

11. I guess I'll go with health and happiness! No I'm not the healthiest person every, I have afflictions and physical burdens. But it could be far worse! I have no cancer, aids/stds, debilitating mental or physical conditions, no broken bones (ever...knock on wood), my eyes are not awful awful, no diabetes, heart murmurs, blood pressure issues (any more), etc. THINGS COULD BE WORSE. and they aren't so THATS A BLESSING!

I'M FAIRLY HAPPY, AND I'M BLESSED FOR THAT. ITS A GIFT, NOT A RIGHT.