Sunday, October 23, 2011

Shut Your Mouth

There was a crude "southern" saying that goes "Opinions are like a*holes, everybody has got one"

Now, excusing that, let me make my point. Everyone has something to say about everything, it does not mean you need to listen. Most people are under the impression that THEIR opinion is in fact the RIGHT one. That they know what they are talking about, that their "experience" in said field, or roadside knowledge, will be fitting and helpful to you and your situation.


Take all opinions with a grain of salt. Do not ever follow advice of an average flawed human being. Take heed, listen, keep it in mind. But leave it at that. 



There are in fact people who inspired this rant. My husband and I get quite interesting responses from others based on our way of handling our marriage. We love each other, and our life together, and neither is unhappy or sees any flaw. However, outsiders opinions vary. Mostly by sex, and who it is they are addressing.

WOMEN will talk to Jacob, and oppose. They do not like him having me be his right hand man/secretary. Handling all bills, paperwork, files, information, and all other icky duties that stress him out. they say he needs to be grown up and independent and handle it himself. Funny to me, I though being married meant being a team and working together for each other and a common goal of happiness, not selfish behavior and self serving independence. 

I find women talking to me, never understand why I go through so much stress and effort for him. "Why are you doing it all, he can do it, he is grown." Acting like I'm being his slave, or he is using me. I think that most women are to worried about liberation, independence, and their own happiness. and to many not worried about their partners happiness. 

MEN talking to Jacob are shocked and jealous, thinking Jacob has it made. Acting like he is spoiled and lucky to find someone who is so concerned with helping him. Complaining, often times, that their spouse or partner would not help them out like that. Even more so if they are single. To them, I am considered "the cool wife". Even with the men talking to me, its the same, "Jacob is a lucky man". 

On the reverse, often times Jacobs "rules" are misunderstood, as are his gifts to me. Outsiders either view him as an overly strict controlling husband, or as a chump for buying me things. 

These misunderstanding are from people only having a few curious pieces of our love puzzle and trying to guess from the few random scattered bits of information they believe they have gathered.  so from there bitter unhappy selfish viewpoints, they often times guess very wrong. 


With there queenly nagging mouthy attitudes, its not at all strange to learn they disapprove of the way I spoil Jacob. If they approved, I'd think I might be in trouble. Where as the happy wives of strong marriages, as well the husbands, are more inclined to agree "yes, thats exactly how we do it", or "we are the same way". They will usually see our hearts and love in our actions, and see past the outside. More likely to agree with the way we do things, because of seeing why they were done. 

Its no ones business, but I put so much effort into Jacob because I've seen him struggle with stress and unhappiness when he is left to deal with the boring important bs work. Not that it doesn't stress me out as well, but as a couple you should know your strengths, and I handle life stresses as these much better than Jacob. So, since I'm only a house wife, with no children of human origin to care for, why not? I myself am not perfect, I do make mistakes, but Jacob is not quick to criticize since he loathes doing what I'm doing so much. If I was to be working, the more I worked, the more the duties would be split accordingly. 

Its about not only a fair balance, but A HAPPY BALANCE.

You take on what you know you can handle, and that they cannot. Being married works best when you both emphasize each others strengths, and make up for each others weaknesses. Not the other way around. 

IN MY MIND  - the husband is solely responsible 100% for the wife's happiness and care.
and the wife is solely responsible 100% for the husbands happiness and care. 

If you are both using all your power to look after each others happiness, then both are being properly fulfilled and taken care of. And the love and care from another is far more pure than the love of yourself. 

So, while I do not pretend to know everything, and this is merely my opinion and meant to be taken equally with a grain of salt, I still feel the need to clear up my thoughts on the matter. 



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