Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Early Morning Poetry by Lani - "As we are"



Darkness is the last choice of a healthy mind,
And love is the first choice of a strong heart,
We are all seekers, 
We are all servers,
Beating with existence,
Racing blood and the vanity of flesh,
Awashed in tears and sweating purpose,
The call of protocol, 
A condition of the risen sun,
Inescapable and not,
Always in part we require the clouds,
Laughter and freedom in the air,
Under the moon our eyes become widened, 
Though forgiveness we have found in our beds,
Dancing is encoded within us,
Misty eyed movements singing songs of our ancestry, 
Forward trapped in travel,
This music encompasses each body as one,
One light can thrust forward through the night in many directions,
As do we.
The slowest sweetest waltz is ours,
Indeed it is ours,
And ours is the creation of thought,
Our life became a stroll amungst a canvas unpainted,
Our walks are in dreams bathed in daylight 
Dripping in the colors of whispered intentions,
We have painted the very place we live,
Artists we were born,
Though beauty is held in the clouds,
A star to be reached,
Our very bones the science,
Our very breath is hope,
The spirit lives in a house of needs,
Eternally restless in its hunger,
The hunger ...
Burning blistering breeding,
In our mind like its own animal,
It is faceless,
So its name is unknowable, 
Our heart may be its Lord or its foe,
Starving for everything,
Yet we reach for nothing,
In our desperation to become,
We have not.
What is this?
It is as we are.


By Lani D.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Getting To Know Me

 
Let us start from the beginning, the very best place to start.


*First I should state that my family (and maybe 2 friends) are saints for putting up with me. I caused quite a lot of trouble. (not really on purpose). My mother probably went through the most. Her and daddy had a whole other set of problems they were dealing with that I unintentionally added to. I love them both. RIP  Daddy!

START -
 
I was born with half of my left arm. There is some debate as to how it occurred, but I settle on the umbilical cord theory. It wrapped around and kept it from growing. I was a fussy baby, finicky eater from the start. Got sick a lot. SEVERLY once when I ate bad berries off a poinsettia.
 
 
Lets get to some more interesting stuff. Like, oh I don't know, off the top of my head...
 
I saw ghosts growing up.


 
If they can so be called that. I saw various phenomena. Some of which I was not the only party involved in witnessing. Most of it does not stick to my memory as overly frightening, only a few things. I do not think attempting to describe them would really capture the happenings well enough for readers to grasp my fear, so I will leave that alone.
 
Next, I have been ADD and Bipolar for as long as I can recall. Add sugar and red dyes to see that intensified. consequently, my favorite drink as a child was Hawaiian Punch.
 
I was often perceived as a "misbehaving child". Though I think it was only because people did not know how to see me.

 
 
I was spanked everyday of kindergarten. I came home with pink slips so often from teachers who did not get me, that my dad settled on I was a bad kid who needed setting straight. The spankings eventually had no affect on me. I became bolder, more outspoken towards adults. Standing up for myself.
 
I think things out to much. In my head. I never trusted adults, because even as a young child I noticed that they did not agree. I noticed things not lining up, not making since. So I took what they told me with a grain of salt. A very small one.
 
That led to rebellion. See a pattern yet? The trained mind could guess what comes in teenage years. We can some up middle school quickly.
 
1. Dad diagnosed with level 3 brain tumor
2. Our house burned down, had to be rebuilt.
3. 6th  grade "awkward" phase
4. I hate math, grades begin slipping
5. I was put in LD/BD classes
6. Repeated 8th in a separate school due to bad behavior.
7. I find out how much I love music
 
Apparently, refusing to do schoolwork or homework is the equivalent of kicking the teacher. I was labeled a bad kid. But I struggled to understand math, and teachers do not really like it when you ask questions. So I gave up all together. 


 
HIGHSCHOOL!
I am sure I skipped oh so many good stories on the way here. And I will prob keep skipping good stuff since I am trying to shorten this.
 
Well, keep in mind that at this point, I was nobodies favorite child. My mom was having trouble dealing with me, my father too. Dad having his tumor still, it resulted in many violent outbursts of anger. Mother being overly strict and very religious, saw me as a battle she was fighting more than a child with problems. So all adults were basically yelling at me. Save for one, my psychologist Dr. Martin. Who, in suggesting my mother try a different outlook, upset my mother so much (she is very defensive) that I was not allowed to go back to him.
 
But I was allowed to take pills. I can not recall all the kinds my new doc tried on me, but it was a lot. Most did not help quite enough. Or I got side effects from them I couldn't handle.


 
MEANWHILE IN TEEN LAND:
I decided I loved rock music! I liked dying my hair every color I wished it was as a kid, and dressing in cute cloths. I was a "floater". A kid with interests and friends from various groups who "floated" from table to table at lunch. I excelled in Drama class, but I was still failing all things MATH.
 
I wanted to try new things. Black lipstick, driving fast in friends cars, meeting band boys, swimming and tanning. I loved malls, changing styles, catalogs, magazines, music, and fun. I liked flirting and playing. I had, on and off, messed with cigarettes since 6th grade.  I mean, Daddy smoked. He seemed to enjoy it. So I was a smoker in high school. Though it was challenging to get them.
 
Drugs of coarse were introduced. You can not expect to hang out with "fun kids" and not have that pop up somewhere. Well, despite being at the adults anti drug rallies and the lame propaganda videos, I tried them. My distrust of adults, and growing dislike of them, did help push me there.


 
Skipping to runaway.... I did run away once. Details of the misunderstanding that scared me into not wanting to go home are not important. Long story short, I stayed (unknowingly) with an ex con, or two. I was out of my territory here, over my head. After a while of the cops on these guys tails, they had to let me go. They were druggies and could not have me risking them getting caught. Probably a godsend. I got back home. Safe enough.
 
I dropped out of school. I refused to fight with teachers and continue struggling with a subject that no one cared to take the time to work with me. Though they sure had time to fuss at me for it.  I was getting in trouble to often, skipping, it was a mess. I was tired of the other teens anyway. DRAMA. Little silly drama.
 
My poor choice in certain friends however, kept me center stage in big drama. We can skip some of those interesting little embarrassingly dumb moments though.
 
Well, my pursuit of band boys had not stopped since it began. I sought out band guys. I met one that I now refer to as "The Devil". I was stuck in his clutches for years. I do not believe I ever really wanted to be there. Thinking on it now its like "How did that ever even happen?". I think the promise of "fun" kept me in. Parties, band gigs and practices, and being surrounded by fun attractive band guys. Drugs and alcohol were the chains that really imprisoned me there. Well, and a violent temper.
 
I broke free! against all odds, I did. I wanted to for years but was not able to. Then one day BOOM. Like a switch in my head, I just woke up and left. I got clean, still smoked. I walked daily with my little sister Rebecca. My family had to deal with me getting clean.
 
I got a job 3 to 4 days of working a week. It was nice getting out and meeting new people. I went to bar with them on the weekend, which in time just proved that I was not at all ready for bars and buddies. That went a tad messy.
 
Skipping some of that, lets move forward. To Jacob! My saving grace. He was not particularly religious, or anything like that. Just a sweet "good boy". Just what I needed.

 
 
A best friend, stern enough to aid me in quitting smoking, sweet enough to deal with my panic attacks and crazy in the process. We became inseparable. In many ways, he was like me. Just without all the insanity in his life. He walked a straighter path there.

 
 
 
But, the life we live does not make us who we are at our core. It merely builds character traits and strengths in overcoming.





 
 
WHO AM I, AT MY CORE?
 
Here is a list, of all things LANI:
 
- cartoons, cartoons, cartoons. new and old
- bright colors, glitter and sparkles
- crazy, sexy and cool (lotta crazy, lol)
- music of various kinds (electro, dance, alternative, rock, 80s, 90s, 70s, 50s, blues, etc)
- fuzzy creatures (there is a reason they call me ellie may clampet) 
- strangers, I love complimenting and talking to strangers
- good friends
- video games, board games, card games, outdoor games
- hating politians and mild conspiracy theorist
- varying artistic mind but fleeting swiftly rotating interests
- star trek and star wars (called a trekkie, though not techn one)
- trying new thing (more with acts than food)
- movies! ESP SCI-FI, action DISNEY, suspense, etc
- XFILES!
- paranormal stuff
- warm fuzzy thoughts
- being goofy I LOVE LAUGHING AND PPL WHO MAKE ME LAUGH ROCK
- I still like shopping
- CHOCOLATE
- I enjoy baking, kinda always wanted to own bakery
- I am not "type A". I don't like people taking little things too seriously
- I have a temper like the hulk
- I am a spoiler, big time.
- I am a cuddler and attention seeker
- I have a short fuse with women and bosses
- I retain lyrics fairly well, and will sing to songs I know
- I sing okay. not bad not great
- I like animals better than some people
- If you do not like animals, I can never really like you
- I still want to color and do go to toy isles and play.
- I love beef
- I hate veggies
- yes I do still drink. 1 or 2 drinks, once a blue moon.
- I am gluten intolerant but cant stop eating it
- I love baking the most
- yes I can cook well
- I love water, but hate getting my face wet
- I am not fond of children, but they are me
- my attention span still sucks, I am still forgetful too
- I read ALOT OF MISC FACTS MOST DAYS OF THE WEEK
- I am more religious now than I was before
- I still love dying my hair
- I like some girly things
- I still suffer from insomnia issues
- I like watching most things fiction, but with paranormal I like watching realistic true story stuff.
- I would rather have few good quality friends than tons of crappy ones
- I want to be rich.
- I love my family.
- Life is good
 

 
I guess that's enough for now.
 
At my core, I think little things like that sum up my personality more than my life has.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Rain makers




People who are honestly happy, are happy when your happy. People who are not happy do not seem to want others happy either. Make certain that those you spend time with are happy, and honestly so. Fake smiles can not hide discouraging words. Negativity is like the flu. Do not let yourself catch it. Surround yourself in sunlight, and you shall never know darkness. Surround yourself in darkness, and you shall never know the beauty of the world. Or in life. Know who around you is a smile MAKER or a smile TAKER.
I have seen people have their lives thrown completely off track, simply due to a friend or family member who was feeding them darkness they were unable to sense. Like a rain dance, every time that friend was around the once sunny skies in their lives were filled with storms and saddness. Breeding suspicion, drama, mistrust, loss of faith or hope simply do to a source the person could not see for themselves. Semms these types are great at hiding in our BLIND SPOT.
One our hearts create, out of our feelings for the person. You can not see darkness in a blind spot. Years I wasted of my life from this. So many people, negative darkness bringers, hid in that spot. It spun my life out of control and ruined many years of life. But they say, if you learned something from it, its not wasted. And I have.
Watch out for the company you keep. Friends, family, I don't care. If it "offends you" cut it off. If you had a finger, that had a severe infection, one you could not stop, cut if off to save the rest of you. This means if you have someone you can not save from unhappiness or negativity, let them go.
Do not crash and burn your life trying to save them. Ever see the movie WHAT DREAMS MAY COME? Well, they warned him, do to the extreme sadness of her case, that usually her types brought his types to thier "reality" rather than being saved. Now, he was barely able to bring her out, but it was a one in a billions sort of thing. Also it was a movie. The truth to be taken from it though, and even spoken in the bible, is undeniable. You must not risk your life, heart, soul, personality or happiness on someone who will bring you down. Everyone wants to think their case is the Robbin Williams one. They can do it. And I'm not saying no one ever should help anyone. But help if your helping, nothing more. Achieve the understanding that your postition should be that of a mentor, a counseler, not a companion. Do not open your mind up to them, or the poison, virus, the darkness could seep in. Always seek out the sunlight.
Always see the beauty, the blessings. Do this alone. Do not need others to help you, or you are not truly seeing anything. Its theirs, not yours. Be happy alone, before you are happy together. Be strong alone, form opinions alone, be yourself alone. Who you are alone, is who you are. So if your unhappy alone, and happy with others. Take time for yourself to seek out your own happiness so you will not taint the happiness of others, so you are not the leech. So you will not become their darkness.
Also, so you know true happiness. Contentment. Understand that happiness is uniquely experienced by each. Do not expect certain events to trigger it, or specific reactions from it. Do not try to buy it or find it under a rug, book cover or therapy session. Do not expect to much of it. And once you find a small amount, cling to the feeling, not the cause. You have the power in you to recreate that feeling. Once you find yourself happy, watch out for times you notice your not. Examine who is there, what is said. Do not always expect the answer to be obvious or easy. It might take some digging. But once you find your true poison, cut it out.
Now for married folks....NO. Divorce is never the first option. Do not be one of those kinds of people. Great things take great work. Try counseling. Try what you can, then try some more. If you feel you have no other coice, then I guess go for it. And single ppl, do NOT just jump into marriage! Its not a game. Its not a silly paper, or ceremony. Its not playing house, or a test drive. Take it seriously.
Take life seriously. but love it, and bask in its beauty. Ban clouds from your sky. You need that light, your soul needs that light. And you must have it first if you are to spread it to others.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Shooting


Sensless violence. I would say "The only positive from this is he took his evil out of this world by killing himself". But, I do not like death. Even if he did "deserve" it. I feel its not my place to say that, or enjoy it. 




So many families were torn apart. So many lives were crushed. Its all so heavy. Why? Why would someone do such a thing? It is a mystery what drove him to do all this. But killing children, your mother, brother, innocent teachers trying to protect their students, and then yourself? That suggests to me a tortured soul. Deeply disturbed and deeply unhappy. And, had it been he only killed himself, I'd feel bad for him. But due to him killing so many innocents.... its very hard to. 

Lets remember the victims, the families and the brave teachers. 








Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Whats a "Wife"? RANT BLOG


I'm Elena. I'm married to Jacob. I love and adore him. SO WHAT?

Is it anyone else's business HOW, WHY, WHEN OR WHAT? Nope. NO ONE can tell me how to run my marriage. If I want to spoil the snot out of my adorable loving husband (to what can occasionally be precieved from outsiders as "overboard") THAT IS MY BUSINESS.


Do I think I do TOO MUCH? No I do not. I honestly could do even better. 

Is there ANYTHING wrong with wanting to be THE DREAM WIFE? Why am I crazy for wanting to please my loving husband? Why does it bug people so much that I spoil him? He is not a pig, a monster. He is not taking advantage of me. 

If I wanted to sit on my butt and groan about my life and be a B he would not care. Though, I'm sure he did not fall in love with me for my negative side. He does not ask things of me that I have not been offering on him. I choose to do this. I could tell him I want to work and him to take my place. He prob would. But I like the idea of being THE PERFECT WIFE. Of him having better bragging rights other than just "my wife can cook" or "We get along" or "Shes pretty".Why can't it be all the great things?


I have issues with people finding out to what extent I spoil him and judging me. Even some thinking I'm a bad person for it. I say SCREW YOU... MY MARRIAGE MY BUSINESS! NOT YOURS! 

LOOK - as long as I'm not breaking any laws or hurting people, WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT I DO IN MY OWN LIFE? STOP BEING SO NOSEY, GET YOUR OWN LIFE. 

LEAVE US ALONE TO RUN OURS HOW WE SEE FIT. And if that includes spoiling my husband.... SO BE IT! He is mine after all, I married him. So i'll do what I want with my things.

yes I said mine. I own him, he owns me, we have a signed agreement to that effect. 

its so frustrating that others gotta try to piss on my mood with complaining.

 No matter what ppl say. I'll continue supporting, loving, adoring and spoiling my husband. Thats my job, I'm his WIFE.



Friday, October 26, 2012

Honey - ANTIBADSTUFFAL


"Raw Honey—An Anti-Bacterial, Anti-Viral, Anti-Fungal Substance" - WHFOODS.COM



Some reading materiel?






Studies are showing raw honey consumption may be helpful for those of us WITH CANDIDA!

THANK THE LORD!


It was previously restricted, due to it being a sugar. Candida feeds on carbs, starches and sugars. But due to honeys long suspected (now proven/tested) anti-bad properties, it seems its on the GOOD list! 

This is def good news considering all we are asked to NOT eat.

Recently added, indirectly related, to my NO EAT list
CORN, ALL TYPES

After various artlicles I read from many websites, I decided it was in my best interest  One article stated how the corn crops were a huge part of the issue with the disappearance of the honey bee. 


Among many other suspected issues and proven problems I read from in these articles. All of which convened me to lay off corn, unless I grow my own. Even then, its just not the best pick. 


So in conclusion. HONEY GOOD, CORN BAD. 

BEES CUTE :)


Saturday, September 15, 2012

Wish List - House

We will at some point be in the market for a house. It needs to be good, because we likely will not be moving away anytime soon once we plant our roots. Jacob has a job he likes in an area he likes, and he likes to pay things off, he likes something being HIS, owned, so I imagine we will need the first one to be a good one right away. No big DIY thing. As he is too often busy to do work on it. Here is my blog on the thoughts we have now.


Red front door, white trim, shingle roof, windows with the white trim inside them (I love the look of it), neutral color exterior made pref of anything but siding. Unless its very dimensional detailed house like a Victorian or something. Love shingle, rock/stone, stucco, and brick exteriors. 

Want small lawn, flat. Pref shaded, then I can have moss lawn (low maintenance) If not I want either Tall Fescue or St Augustine. No Bermuda grass or hybrids of. It dies in winter leaving an unappealing lawn. I want a year round lovely lawn. 



We would not mind a shaded spot, because it lowers the ac bill. But I do not wish a yard full of pine trees and evergreens! Not only are they on the allergy list, I think that they are unappealing for the most part. Other plants that cause allergies? >>> CLICK HERE <<< 

A quick summery:

Garden Foes

  • Grasses - Bermuda, Fescue, Johnson, June, Orchard, Perennial Rye, Redtop, Salt Grass, Sweet Vernal, Timothy.
  • Shrubs - Cypress, Juniper.
  • Trees - Alder, Ash, Aspen, Beech, Birch, Box Elder, Cedar, Cottonwood, Elm, Hickory, Maple, Mulberry, Oak, Olive, Palm, Pecan, Pine, Poplar, Sycamore, Walnut, Willow.
  • Weeds - Poison Ivy/Oak/Sumac, Cocklebur, Pigweed, Ragweed, Russian Thistle, Sagebrush.





Garden Friends

  • Flowering Plants - Begonia, Cactus, Chenille, Clematis, Columbine, Crocus, Daffodil, Daisy, Dusty Miller, Geranium, Hosta, Impatiens, Iris, Lily, Pansy, Periwinkle, Petunia, Phlox, Fose, Salvia, Snapdragon, Sunflower, Thrift, Tulip, Verbena, zinnia.
  • Grasses - St. Augustine
  • Shrubs - Azalea, Boxwood, English Yew, Hibiscus, Hydrangea, Viburnum.
  • Trees - Apple, Cherry, Chinese Fan Palm, Fern Pine, Dogwood, English Holly, Hardy Rubber Tree, Magnolia, Pear, Plum, Red Maple.






More info HERE


Roofing. More into that. I like normal shingles. I like tile roofs, and could even handle the unattractive metal roofing (tin) if it was in a style that mimicked that. Though Jacob said "No, its noisy". Roof should be darker than house color, in my opinion. 

The house we get needs to have a good roof, Jacob knows that they are expensive too, but most worries about possible inside damage from a bad roof. Unattractive outside colors, and in, can be painted. 

however.....

THIS (
is a NO GO!

No wood paneling inside, wallpaper, or brick. We like a certain look that these, even painted, would not go great with. WOOD PANELING does not include various moldings, railings, wainscoting, etc. Things that make a house look more expensive. 

Now...do I hate wallpaper? no. Three examples of stylish WP.




Plus there are now stylish "wall decals" and such that can add a touch of wow. But all those are up to the new owner, who is decorating, and not to be decorated around for buying a house with it.

ceilings. Well, I have to say I like the trey ceilings, catherdral/vaulted, and normal. I like molding (which I can add later) and flat clean smooth ceilings. No popcorn, or pattern. Smooth can have so much done with it decor wise. its another canvas.


For a kitchen, we want beams. We can add later also. 



We will need basic BONES to the house to be good. Jacob does not want to have to do anything really period, but I think small jobs like painting and all would be doable. Just as close to movie in ready as we can get. I.E. - Decent kitchen esp cabinets, floors, structural, doors, ceiling, rooms, layout, bathroom (main things, sink, tub, shower, tile, etc.) flat easy yard, no big TLC or DIY things. 



Reason? Well, more than one. He likes the idea of living in a house that is not always being fixed up, since he is use to being in them that are. He does not like extra work. And had a friend tell him he bought a house to fix it up, and never got around to it with the job keeping him busy, so now they are in a house they don't like.  Jacob did not like the idea of that.



KITCHEN - gas gas gas gas. I pref gas stove. Can I use electric? yes, but I won't be content cooking with it. Gas cooks better. So, no buying a house unless its already got or set up for gas stove/oven. No cheap laminate counters. We likely will not be able to afford changing them any time soon after moving in, so best we can handle them. Cabinets. Hopefully, not plywood. No broken or busted. We can paint white, though would rather find white kitchen with dark counters if at all possible. 



Bathroom. I like tubs. I need a tub somewhere in the house. Also, shower Jacob and I can both fit in, as we often bath together. Master needs TWO sinks. We get ready for bed together and etc.



There are things I'd like, as in example : Apron farmhouse style enameled cast iron sink for kitchen, granite or quartz counter tops, all wood floors (my love is pecan wood) except in kitchen bedrooms and bath. Kitchen  is to have possible slate tiles, bath to have a neutral more spa like warm tone. windows that look cottagey, a laundry room next to the walk in closet by our bedroom, a half bath for guests near living room, a butlers pantry or walk in pantry, an elegant entryway, a stone/brick patio, in ground pool, etc. Things I realize I probably wont get in a house for our range. But as I said, there are things I won't budge on. 



No modern manly contemporary log cabin looking or any other overly manly looking house. A cape cod, craftsman, shingle style, or something in that range will suite me best. Though I have a list ten miles long of yes and no styles. Including details that say the same about a house, like windows. 


I like colonial, contoured, diamond, craftsman, half colonial, etc. I like the grids, they often appear in homes that are richy or even in cute cottage style homes. 


So wrap up



  • move in ready
  • 1.5 or more baths
  • gas oven ready
  • 10 x 10 kitchen or + (pref large but I could deal with reasonable size small)
  • at least one tub
  • sinks showers for 2 in M.B
  • closet space
  • 1100 sq ft or +
  • smaller flat yard
  • no wallpaper, wood paneling or damage to fix
  • good roof
  • working ac and heat
  • sewer and public water connected
  • not off main roads
  • safe quite area
  • minimum work needed
  • monthly house payment not exceeding $600
  • no more than 20mins away from Jacobs work (Smyrna, Ga)



That's at least some of it. Appliances already in would be a plus. Yard half acre-ish. Walk in closet a plus. Good floors a plus. Few more pluses, but right now, that is all.

Well, Jacob wants a cul de sac, that is something he is pretty set on trying to get. 

Friday, August 31, 2012

Family Is Important, Love Is More Important



You know what I think is important? Having an open family that allows you to disagree with them without shunning you. That does not take a silly argument over the top, or hold grudges. A family that can still love you, even if you are different from them. One that will not pressure you to think or act like them, or tell you how to live your life. A family that loves you for you, that understands you. That sees past what they might consider a fault and loves you despite it. A family that does not ask for "impressive" or "perfect". One that does not measure your worth by what you do for them, or how you look on paper. That does not need your life for bragging rights, but just loves you despite. A family that cherishes your friendship and treats you as such, not just blood. A family that does not try to coerce, bribe, blackmail or  threaten you to get to you, or things from you. A family that does stuff for you simply because they care, not to use it against you later to get things from you. A family of caring, friendship, laughter, understanding, and openness. A family of unconditional LOVE! 


Love is endless, it cannot stop. True "loved ones" will love you truly. They will be happy for what you get, have, or accomplish. They will be sad for your pain, struggles and fears. Hugs and laughter will be the priority. Supporting them, forgiving them, uplifting them, enjoying them, treating them as an equal to the other members. 

I have "family" that's close to me, closer than some blood, that are not even family. That are technically not even related, but are more family that some real members. Because they have a pure love for me. 



This goes for Husband & Wife love as well. Love truly - madly - deeply. Love purely. Love in the since that its your last chance, love like god is watching, love to love. Love in the FOREVER way. There is no way out, and love does not stop because flesh does, love and flesh are separate. Fathers, mothers, lovers do not stop being so because they die. Love in an UNSELFISH WAY and that love is sure to be returned. Love in an honest way, you will be blessed for it. Love in a GIVING, NOT GETTING way and you will get plenty. 

Think deeply about the word LOVE and live to love that way.


Love is the most important thing we will experience in our lives. 

Love is the thing that makes us like living, and not wish to leave. It binds us together. It holds us and strengthens our spirits to fight on. The best memories we have are regarding LOVE. The best experiences, the best stories, the best hugs, kisses, events, songs, thoughts, poems, art. Regarding love. Love wants to be, it struggles through darkness to shine on. It treads through muddy waters, climbs mountains, it pursues, it waits, it believes and strives to be.

Love. 
LD

Monday, August 20, 2012

Vote or Die!



All the fighting for the rights to vote, FOR THIS? How can we all be so aware the candidates all suck, but they continue making up to the presidential election? Who, I ask, is helping the terd sandwiches and douche bags make it to the final round? 


EVERY TERM LATELY, OUR CHOICES SUCK! Are there simply no decent men out there, or are the crappy choices just slim balling their way up? Its disturbing to really think about. Especially since our issues are likely never getting resolved. We are not the fighters our previous generations were, we are to COMFORTABLE and distracted to try to FIX or CHANGE anything. 

I do not see the importance in voting because I do not see the difference between the choices. Either way, it sucks. Its not my choice, not my pick, so why should I? They have limited power anyway, and barely do much besides distract us with some ridiculously see through soap opera retard antics that everyone falls for. 

Can we just elect Morgan Freeman, or R. Lee Ermey, or Batman? Or I'd vote for Bill Mahr. 


I also do not agree with the way the votes are done. Popular vote should be the one used! Electoral vote erases so many voices! Literally making my vote NOT COUNT.

IT'S TO IRRITATING TO GO ON AND ON ABOUT. I DO NOT SEE IT BEING FIXED ANYTIME SOON. WE ARE TO FAR DOWN THE HOLE NOW.

We need a revolution. We need people to not be whiny worthless wastes of crappy space in mass numbers. We need People with character, dignity, soul, ideals, heart, etc. And not FAKERS that everyone falls for. 


I must stop, before I pull out my soap box. 

Little rant to clear my mind. 

Please don't hate me for thinking voting is useless. I love America, but we have problems we just ignore. Like a screaming kid in the supermarket. We are the smiling mom pretending its ok and her kid is an angel.



Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Avergage Joe Sucks

Mr. Wrongs are everywhere....


Here is a blog for you single and looking girls out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea they say, but unfortunately a lot of those fish are losers. Harsh? But true. In your own particular contest for MR. RIGHT, most of the guys fall short. Now to be fair, a lot of girls add a few to many things to the "must be" list that don't or should not matter in a desire to impress the world or meet day dreams they have had or books they read, or movies they see. But, it is true that even through the seemingly "nice" guys, there are far too many no-nos. So girls, to have a hottie or desirable man, will date a lot of bad eggs and jerks. Or just bad fits. Convincing themselves that all men suck. While I would say I agree with that, there is some male sided explanation needed before I continue on the "most men suck" road.


Men are affected by those around them. VERY STRONGLY. They are affected by what they see, and learn. How they were brought up, who befriended them growing up, who they idolized, etc. All make up the man you meet. Men, more than women, seem to be a product of their environment. A fictional example, look at batman. His early childhood greatly affected his whole life. Or think of men going to Vegas (whose slogan is "what happens here stays here") If one snorts cocaine off a drunken hooker the rest are likely to join in. (Sort of kidding with the last example...sort of)


Women as teenagers are not much different. But it stops there. After collage we are a lot less likely to be SO easily affected. Not completely without though. There are the clucking hen friends that always advise "He is probably cheating on you" or "leave his butt", or "screw what he thinks!" or "He doesn't seem to care about what you want" or the classic "If it was me...". 

Quick advice, never listen to outside advise on your relationship. Unless it's a professional!

Anyway. MEN. Bad men signs. Let's do this.


1. Eateries. Places one eats. Never pick up a guy from Hooters anything similar. This is surely a sign that not only will this continue through your relationship, but that said man has eyeball mind control issues. Not exactly a sign of class. 


These girls flirt for tips or get fired. Just remember that. They are used to married men hitting on them, probably more than single guys, so it won't mean much to them. 

2. Strip clubs. No not all men go to strip clubs. There is a very rare breed of men that have higher moral standards, or at least when in a relationship. If can grab one who has never been, it's like a lottery win. Rare and lucky! 


Some men don't just see the skin, but the lack of opportunity to get that skin, the sex diseases surely running rampid, or just plain find being horney in public (surrounded by other horney men everywhere around you) bothering. If they ever met or knew one, they know how truly unhappy the girls are. How they have to live in denial or drugging themselves to handle their jobs. Though there are a few just born to skank. That want attention any way they can get it, that have a need to have men drool over them and use them. But most are circling a drain funded by the patrons. And rarely single, or in happy relationships. 

3. Porn. Porn is bad, mmmkay? It is not a healthy practice for any relationship. Not even for the women. (Nor are women not having sex with their men for the love of their sex toys) You should keep love beautiful, magical and pure. Make love, not f***. That's crude and nasty. Love can be crazy, but there is emotions of love mixed in the acts, vs just "I want to get mine". 


There are two kinds of women I will discuss with porn. One "I don't care" and the other "heck no". The careless ones often are either insecure and not wanting dude to run off from upsetting him, trying to be cool women, or they themselves porn hounds and want the right. None of which are good in the long run. 

The "NO!" ones? Let us see if we can break down why they might not like this. True, there are some insecure girls in this group too. But some just think "Eew". Also the godly girls who are aware bible says "no" to this also. 

Porn takes your mate out of the picture, while you are having an "almost sex" experience with another "person". (Who ever, whatever, you are watching) It also, not classy. Very skanky. It makes the "love" you make with your spouse mean less. It means images of naked people are in your mind always. It means your person is not satisfying you and instead of finding a together fix it solution you are ignoring the problem by "getting yours" without them. Most spouses are willing if in love and notified correctly , to be your fantasy. Or beyond. To work with you to almost boundless ends. Got to stop thinking "me" and start thinking "we")

There are men who give up all this when they meet their dream girl. 

4. Mama's boys. Oh yes. To the moms out there, you might get defensive. But be aware, this term is not just for every boy who loves his mom, but to the ones who take it too far. 


This refers to men who will dash out on plans to meet mommy for tea, or who stop dating a girl cause mommy said no. Men who remember there moms birthday but forget your anniversary, or who go on kinda creepy mom dates with mommy. Feet rubbing, face kissing, flower giving, hand holding, mamas boys. 

Women are nurturing guys. Even the bitchy ones deep down. It's just in our DNA. We want to take care of our men, and later our family we build with that guy. We do not want to compete with a mother who is so desperate for male attention she tries to drive away any chick from her "baby boy" who is playing the part her husband is not. (Or lack of). We do not need to be criticized, picked on, bossed around, watched, gossiped about, or to try to pry you off mommies lap long enough to say "hi!". We want a MAN. A GROWN MAN! Not a big baby stuck sucking on mommy's tit. Women will avoid these types of guys. 

Bible :

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
(Mark 10:6-9 ESV)


5. Words. A classy girl will not tolerate well a man who uses foul language. 

Its trashy, uncooth, and vulgar. Its one thing to make a point, or to tell a quick bad joke, or if you're in a fury, or in pain. But to throw them in like its increasing your penis size each word, no. Not good. In fact any stupid act men do to try to hard to be more manly puts off a signal to smart classy girls "compensating?" Real men just are great, they do not have to pretend to be, or do dumb things to put up a front of big peepees. They just exude confidence and are themselves. 



5. Bad friends. Bad friends are almost equal to Mamas boy. If I guy mimics his friends or has similarities to them, and surrounds himself with pricks, then it does not look good for the future. These guys will affect his opinion, clothing, actions, etc. And to an onlooking chick this is bad news. In fact, bad friends mixed with one nice guy friend can mean your chick will leave you for him. Women think they want one thing, but after they get enough of that they wake up and want another.

"You can't make the right decisions 'til you tried all the wrong ones?" Sweet home Alabama. 


Actually, this is fairly true for some women. But once we have our epiphany, there is no changing our minds. 

6. Bad manners. Yes manners still matter. Do we expect you to act as fabulously as the men in our chick flick movies from the 15,16, 17, 18 hundreds? No. That's one of those dreams girls have like winning  an endless lottery, her foe magically getting fat and ugly, her evil boss getting fired in a super embarrassing fashion and her getting promoted, or finding a genie with no wish limit. 


No matter how feminist a girl is, she does not want to be treated LITERALLY like one of the boys. Unless she has serious emotional or mental issues. Women may fight it, but we like chivalry. We don't want it to die. Some unhappily married or miserably lonely bitch complained and started a revolution like war against it one day, and it's been fading out ever since. The rest of us chicks, meanwhile, pond our fists at the air and cry out "Why???". We want it. We would have to get used to it, be aware, if we have never had it though. It can be shocking. 

Even something as simple as door openings, like my hubby does, or carrying heavy things. Whatever. MANNERS AND CHIERLY. Bless me when I sneeze or suffer. That is my motto. I have a HUGE pet peeve with that. 

Now we are aware some men were not taught right, they don't know manners. Learn some basics or tell us, we can help! Be warned, some chicks could try to take this to far, address that early. 

Please don't lugee or belch in front of us. In time a fart might pass with laughs that is one thing, but blatant disregard for manners is a bad sign. 


7. Lying. Withholding, disguising, falsifying the truth all bad. Be honest. Women like honesty! Open and honest. There is always a way to tell the truth that will be ok. Even if its a dress that looks awful. You will get in trouble, but do it sweetly as possible and it will be less. In the long run, we want the truth. And lies get you in way more. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE OK LYING TO YOUR GIRL.


Really no need to further explain that. It's sort of grade school stuff.

8. Kids, for the kids loving or wanting ladies. Can be ok, for the kids not wanting (me) ladies...bad. Also, kids from to many mothers, not a good sign. That's a lot of "it didn't work out" to take in. 



Wanting or not wanting can be a deal breaker or maker with women. This varies with each lady. I personally do not like kids. But still, no woman (well, most) would never date a guy who would hurt kids in any way. If you treat kids badly, it does not say much about you as a person. Also its a good sign you won't treat her right either! 

Which brings us to....



9. Temper. Short and sweet... No black or white. No wimping out completely, but no wife beating kill the infidel kinda temper either. We want a man who is passionate, so a temper is a given. You can't have passion without including ALL moods. But, hitting children, beating animals, or attacking your woman is never ok behavior. Also, we do not want to have to be scared that anytime someone in traffic cuts you off, you're doing to chase him down and attack. We don't want a criminal.



10.  Criminal records. This should be self explanatory. If anyone actually needs this explained to them, they deserve to date the bad boy rejects they end up with. A traffic ticket here or there is one thing, jail time for selling drugs is another. 

11. A womanizer. Overly flirtatious. The FLIRT thing can be bad for a guy or girl. AKA "playa/player". They keep playing the field in a subtle way despite being in a relationship, then dismiss it as nothing to worry about. A good man (or girl) will not flirt, out of respect. Respect is a big key word here I think could handle a lot of these at once. 


12. Mr. Show off. Trophy guy. Winner winner steak dinner. The guy who has to have sports cars, constantly talk about his fabulousness, intelligence, sexual skill, weener, house, job, etc. The guy who enjoys winning at poker, working out, talking about the bad a88 things he does, etc. Despite the more obvious reasons men typically do this (ehm), this is a bad sign for a smart girl. This guy is first off, very self absorbed. Second, he cares TOO MUCH what others think of him or he would not be bending over backwards to rub their faces in it. This means if gal gets fat and preggers, or cancer, mr "wonderful" would be out the door. If you age badly or even if he just gets sick of you, he will prob cheat. Possibly not ever marry either. He might avoid it for fear of those things. 


13. Bar fly. Skipping the bar fly-etts reason. Lets go to the heart of the problems. Drinking. It will be what he goes to for every issue you have. It will be his answer to his problems. This goes to any vice like this. You do not want to marry a drunk. An alcoholic. There should be no good reason to have to explain that.


14. The young forever college rules retard. If a guy is in his mid-late twenties and acts like a high schooler still, be worried. Its one thing to enjoy video games or cartoons, it's another to still be as immature as a high school boy. Period. You can be childlike and mature at the same time. But immature is something that takes over. You can't be a man and immature.


15. The hater. The control freak. Or the overly strict. 

All in one category. The "too far" guys. 



Guys that get all overly controlling of what you can do (says the girl whose husband won't let her cut or color her hair, lol, but he really for the most part lets me do what I want to) will be a definite problem in the long run. Likely driving you to drink, cheat, leave or want to die. This one includes the crazy suspicious jealous freaks. 

Guys that are bigots or haters are a huge issue too. You should never get in a relationship with someone who has hate in their heart towards a people or group that in a whole has done nothing to him. 

Overly strict guys are begging to have wives arguing or rebelling. Unless they are lucky to find that meek mild doormat wife. But she is destined to suffer inside, misery forever. These guys fall in with control freak, but often have a backing. Religion, politics, something. Beware. 

They equal down, at their core to anger, unresolved issues and hate. 

Think about Jesus. Try to get as close to him in a man as possible and you can not go wrong. He was a caring, loving forgiving, wise calm respectful person who stood against the masses. Against the grain. 







ADVICE TIME: personality, thats the important part. Its so hard to get all that right in one guy that matches what you want, that you might should lay easy on the more shallow desires. ;) Who knows once you "let go", you could get it all!