Sunday, July 29, 2012

Insight to Outsight

So, there are a few "insights" or epiphanies I have had. Learned, discovered, what have you. 


My lawyer, who never briefs me (or instructs me or explains crap!), asked me, mid session (in front of judge) about my "racing thoughts". To my knowledge I have not heard this term, nor knew what it meant. Of coarse, I forget my own name, birthday, age, or what I said ten mins ago. So, my memory is not a case maker/breaker. So I tried to wing it, by explaining what I do deal with in my thoughts. Well, here is what I read today as to what racing thoughts are....

"Racing thoughts refers to the rapid thought patterns that often occur in manic, hypomanic, or mixed episodes. While racing thoughts are most commonly described in people with bipolar disorder, they are also common with anxiety disorders, such as OCD. Racing thoughts are also associated with use of amphetamines and sleep deprivation.[1]
Racing thoughts may be experienced as background or take over a person's consciousness. Thoughts, music, and voices might be zooming through one's mind. There also might be a repetitive pattern of voice or of pressure without any associated "sound". It is a very overwhelming and irritating feeling, and can result in losing track of time.
Generally, racing thoughts are described by an individual who has had an episode as an event where the mind uncontrollably brings up random thoughts and memories and switches between them very quickly. Sometimes they are related, as one thought leads to another; other times they are completely random. A person suffering from an episode of racing thoughts has no control over his or her train of thought and it stops them from focusing on one topic or prevents sleeping." (wiki)

 Well, yes. But ALL the time pretty much. My mind is like an eight lane freeway. Sometimes there is more traffic than others, but there are always eight open lanes of thought going. ALWAYS. So, I guess I do.
I'm thinking, I described my issues, and they attached the name. But I am not sure I was ever informed of it. Granted, as previously stated, BAD BAD AWFUL MEMORY.


Love.... Where is it?

Spread love. Not anger. Hate is bad, no matter how nice its dressed or what intentions its hiding behind. Touch the world with a tender hand. An open heart. 

I know people can have good intentions. But first and foremost, loving each other, our brothers and sister, our fellow man, that should be our focus. 

Our world is maintaining a cold heart, but a strong tongue.  Principles can be fought, ideals may not be agreed on, but love should. We are to diverse in our beliefs, creeds, ideals, opinions, races, sex, ages, etc. So we should stop focusing on the ones we don't like, on leaving some one out, on our anger towards someone, and focus on healing our world with love.

this is my open eyes moment. I realize, my mouth, mind and heart containers to many negatives. I thought about how much I say that is hurtful. How often I pick at people. This is not constructive behavior. To make the world a better place, we must love all we can. Everyone. Inspire through love, not war. Not anger or bills, or court, or protests or segregation, or hate of any kind. 

I can be mean. I have been working on fixing that. But today, on thinking about Jesus, and how kind and loving he was to everyone, even to the scum of the ghetto, the whores and thieves. He was gentle and kind, spreading the word through love, acts of kindness, tenderness, forgiveness, and teachings. I think on children these days growing up in such a hate filled, war crazy, argumentative, noninclusive, angry, finger pointing, judgmental society. Children are learning anger to early. I feel a weight in my chest for my actions throughout my life. 

You cannot be a good person if you are a mean person. I want to be good, to be kind. 
I don't want hate in my heart. And I do not except that god hates any person. All SINNERS are the same in his eyes. Lost children, he loves them and wants them back. Not hate. Concern. Jesus would lead back by love, not segregating them. God is light, pure good, love. Love cannot be hate. There can be no dark in light.

Sometimes, we should shake a finger at ourselves. I think that self evalutaion, and reinvention (or editting) is a good practice. It is something that we should keep in mind during our "new years resalutions" (not just "i'll lose weight") or  "spring cleaning" (clean your self) whenever. 

I try to. But once in a pink moon, I'll have a big heart pounding, guilt inducing, mind opening insight that brings real self AWARENESS. That makes me realize big things in me I should fix. That I can be wrong, be human, I can sin. 

Instead of finding wrong things in others, look for them in yourself. In stead of battling others, battle yourself. Instead of saving their souls, save yourself. Now to the wrong mind, that all could be taken wrong. I mean it in a good way. A self reflection way. A loving way. We are to nosey, to concerned with what everyone else is doing. "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". and "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

I think self meditation, and self "medication" (find it, fix it), is an important part of us being human. Keep a good eye on yourself, you never know what crap you'll pull, your human. Human = flawed. We are forever stumbling children, when we reach full height and longer years, we put our big boy pants on and think we have everything figured out. We are in CONSTANT need or watching correcting, fixing. Even the best behaved people I know, the most godly, make MISTAKES A LOT. And like the rest of us, they will not always see them. Let no man be your leader, your idle, your influence. Only Jesus was fit for that job.

I hate taking a stance on a "side". Like there are only two sides to everything. Like life is ever that cut and dry, that simple.  But I will take the side of equality, togetherness, kindness and love. If its not on either side, I'm not picking one. Its not a fight worth getting in.

You always GET OUT what YOU PUT IN. Put in LOVE.


I give up on all politics. 

You ever realize your fighting a loosing battle? The unwinnable war? Politics. Yup. Its not even about what its about. Its a mini drama series. An ongoing cat fight. Mud slinging babes in bikinis. Its a song an dance, a show, a game, a facade. Politicians do not care for anyone, not really even their own family. To me, they are all to deep in the doodoo to smell the stink. Pigs. Swine. All of them. Unsavable? NO, never. But some one would have to end the game they are all so absorbed in. Selling their souls too. Only god can do that. No human is going to stop it. Not at this point. Esp not with most people buying tickets to the show. Most Americans eat this truth flavored lie pie like its the real deal. They swallow it up. They are open to swallowing anything others tell them, they do not see that those others are as misinformed as they are. Blind leading the blind. All surrounded by this evil political circus. 

There is no "good" choice. There is no real choice at all. That is what people do not understand. We do not have control, they took it away. We are stuck with this minor plastic illusion of a choice. Cheap plastic if you ask me. But just enough to fool the weak, the warn, the beaten down, the poor, the unhappy, the desperate people of our society. The majority of us. We are to stressed, busy, unhappy or tired to pay close attention. We are all grasping at straws for sanity here. People are not ready to believe the country is so far from what we want it to be. So far in the sewers, in the muck, so polluted. 

That is what is truely what is wrong with the world. Could it be fixed by mere humans? YES, but not easily. These days we are soft and not use to the labor and stress of revolution. Who would stand up first? Who would have the strength of will to follow? Would they be capable of handling the possible consequences? 

I just see that as unlikely. People are to comfortable in today's society. Technology, modernization, etc. To much to distract us. To much we feel we would have to give up. It take desperate times. 

Needless to say, to the DISMAY of everyone else, I will likely not be voting. I REMOVE MYSELF from the circus, from the GAME. Player out! 


On the subject of EQUALITY....
lets discuss FEMINIST real quick.

THEY ARE WRONG>>>THE, no jk. Sort of.

Women that do this seem angry. Unhappy, generally unpleasent. Kinda remind me of a vicious untrained dog let off its leash. 

I think there is a misunderstanding with the EQUALITY thing. Ladies, being treated EQUAL to men does NOT mean being treated BETTER than them. 

Your not in compition with the. Stop being so angry and fighting unneeded battles. Your a cat they are dogs. WE ARE DIFFERENT! Stop comparing apples to oranges. We have different things about us that make us wonderful. We ARE NOT the same as men, or we WOULD BE MEN. 

This attitude does nothing for our society. I totally get how it started, but their is to much anger behind it now, and its taking it to a bad place. LETITGO

Try just being yourself, being happy, NON ARGUMENTATIVE, friendly, kind and loving. Do you think Jesus would like the attitude? The behaviors? Its hard enough to get men to act right, the last thing we need is women behaving like men.

REJOICE in being a soft girly blessed female. ENJOY what we are given, BE THANKFUL and be PROUD that you are different with men. STOP RUNNING IN RACES THAT ARE NOT YOURS! 

CAn't we all just get along? And stop pretending the world is as backward as it was! Its issues now are not the same as before. Now its issues belong to all the unkindness and ingenuousness, and all the controlling unhappy people causing problems. The anger. The wars, The hate. Its all bad, dark, negative.


Be proud to be a women, but be a WOMEN. NOT a MAN!

those are all my opinions. Please don't get mad and burn churches or bridges over it. Do not let the thoughts of others so easily upset you. My intention are positive. I do not intend to upset you. But if you are, that is on you to handle. 

If you visit, I can hug you though :)

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